I Am Genna Ayup...

On June 26th, 2012, 27 year old Genna Ayup was brutally murdered by her boyfriend, Ronald James Corbin Jr. After an altercation between the two outside their house, the two went inside and neighbors witnessed the sound of a gunshot...


- He ran to get his gun and shot her in the face. -

This statement was not given by Mr. Corbin Jr. or a neighbor.. This is what the two year old son of the couple witnessed with his own eyes and in his own words, he has been able to describe the whole horrific situation in detail....

I wish I could say that this was the beginning to one of my manuscripts in the works but unfortunately this is not fiction. This is an actual horrific, tragic event that has occurred in Tucson, Arizona.
As of now Mr. Corbin Jr. has not been arrested, questioned nor has he given a statement. He has hired an attorney at this point but again, has NOT been arrested. According to the police, because he is not a flight risk they did not need to arrest him.

A man kills a woman in front of a child and that is not enough reason to bring the man in for questioning!? Where is the practice of justice here? Now, I'm not saying that they arrest him on the spot, but at the very least bring the man down to the station for questioning! Hold him on having a weapon around a child? I'm sure they could have found a reason to bring him to the station AT THE VERY LEAST, and go from there. Our country is so disorganized and unruly that we let people run around with guns without legal consequence, while innocent bystanders suffer the mortal consequences.

I ask you all to stand up! Stand up for a Mother, Stand up for your Sister, Stand up for your Daughter, Stand up for Friend, Stand up for the INNOCENT.  Our laws were written for structure and to bring justice, but are upheld without.

This is a case of unjust protocol, much like Treyvon Martin, Genna is without peace, without resolve. While their son is left to be with Mr. Corbin Jr. his father, while the justice system works through its procedures.  Domestic Violence has increased and will continue to increase rapidly if we allow these things to continue. This woman didnt end up with some broken bones, a black eye, burns... Her life was taken away from her in an instant, a mother has been taken away from her son by the person he lays next to at night, and who is left to help him?  Be that person.

I have attached a link below. Please I urge you to share this and re-post it everywhere you can... Please spread the word. Assure everyone this is not a scam, nobody is asking for money or donations, just your support. Genna is my dear friend's cousin and their family is devastated by not only this tragedy but the manner in which it's being handled. I want to thank you all in advance. -D

I AM GENNA AYUP - JUSTICE FOR GENNA (petition)

*UPDATE* Mr. Corbin was Arrested on One count of Manslaughter today... ONE COUNT OF MANSLAUGHTER!  Was later released on his own recognizance until his hearing on August 23rd, 2012, where he will roam the streets as a free citizen. My hope is that the release is to allow the District Attorney and the Tucson Police Department enough time to get the evidence and facts together to up the charges, because Manslaughter is definitely NOT the correct charge, nor the only.

Please continue to spread the word, I want to thank my followers for spreading the word before I really released this blog, Please continue to do so! Justice For Genna!





UPDATE:
Since the posting of this article, the charges have been dropped against Mr. Corbin. Many have their theories on the reasons for this and as you can imagine the family is outraged. I however believe a different scenario, which is more beneficial to the family, which we will leave out because if I'm correct, I wouldn't want what my theory is, to compromise the judgement of this case. To sum it up, He knows what he did, the family knows and Genna knows what he's done and regardless of the outcome he is going to have to live with this for the rest of his life, and though outsiders may not see this, its going to eat away at him whether or not he shows it is another story, but this is his internal struggle he will have to deal with for eternity. I do not believe the City of Tucson has given up, I just don't. I have faith in all that there is and believe there is something larger at work here.

The petition has been updated so if you haven't signed it please do!

Blinding Lucidity

She sits home ... alone she wonders what's next, what step?
She thinks back to what days were like before, before she was engulfed in the life she lives now.

She knows only of the pain now... The days that left her with a smile and a fulfilled heart are vanishing, the memories are stained with the events that emerged tears so dark she can barely see the imprints. 
How did I get here? Where am I, Who am I? A life of pain and and lies? Rubbing her chest, she massages her heart to revive what shes lost, but its over, she can't bring it back so she sits...

 Visions overwhelm her, she's bombarded with, memories? Are they dreams? She doesn't recognize them; A woman with a wide smile with a gleam in her eyes, a man whose every glance is fixated on her, he hangs on her every word... Who are they?

She sleeps light, her mind heavy, weighing her down while it races, 'Why is none of this familiar yet I see it so vividly?' So out of place, she forces herself to sleep, to a place where she feels safe, the only place anymore... There he is... So familiar, he stands tall, hands firm but soft, one holds her chin while the other her hand. She looks up to meet his stare and he fades. She hears the words that have stung so deep as he disappears. The words appear in front of her like a marquee in the shape of his silhouette, as sad violins begin to play she reaches out as she starts to go blind and only the sound of the strings guide her to lucidity.

She awakes unclear on what she has just witnessed, still so clear in her mind she starts to dwell on the thought of him... Who is he? Where did he go? An instant shock of desire and admiration hits her and just as quickly as it arrived, just as quickly it reprieves...

She's exhausted, day in and day out of this same recurring dream, or nightmare is more like it. She stands and walks to the door, there he is; His hands look tattered and rough, they lay at his side, he's hunched over his eyes just as lost as his soul. The words cutting so deep, the violin plays louder the lies are now screaming in her ears as she stares at him with nothing but certainty. This is regret, his regret. She sees all of her memories playing in front of him as if they were part of a tragic movie... He falls. His face so heavy in his hands and low to his knees... As he comes to his feet, he begins to speak, but all has been lost .... 

She is now free.

Orchestrating The Melody

While in my latest  moments of solitude and time away I've had time to reflect... Just when I figure it all out and settle into what feels like a normal contentment, The Walls Close IN.
We've all been there, when one thing happens, it triggers an avalanche of events and the never ending question, "What else could possibly go wrong?".  It wasn't until last night's moments of disgust that I finally found some clarity.

We will be brutally honest here, because I have nothing to hide; Because how can I inspire anything if I were to leave questions? More so, I have always believed that "The Early Bird Gets The Worm" and in this case this dove is officially spreading her wings.

I learned something from my Grandmother a long time ago, To love with my whole heart and to give myself fully in anything that matters to me. I also learned from my Grandfather, not to "Bite The Hand That Feeds You"  and if they do, BITE BACK.

My Grandparents are complete and polar opposites from each other. My Grandfather, Strong, Makes choices based on emotion but level headed, has a strength in his demeanor.  My Grandmother, Caring, loving, would give the shirt off of her back and shoes off of her feet if simply asked, stubborn. It's funny, as long as I studied astrology, a Pisces and Leo were never meant to get a long, yet they married and My Grandmother is my Best Friend. I have invested in what they raised me with and became my own, doing everything I could to be sure I was the one they could be proud of. The one and only child that isn't still living at home for one reason or another, being the one who is employed, the one child who made something of their life, but most importantly the one child that at the very least they knew loved them for no reason other than just because I do.

I took everything they gave me and created the person you read before you.

In the near future you will read stories based loosely upon my life, others based on experiences I've witnessed, and wherever I choose to let my imagination take you, but before the fiction I want to let everyone in on who the conductor is.

I've dedicated my life to my Grandma, she gave hers for me, its what I've always known I wanted to do.
She and I have always had a certain language we speak to each other, one that only two people with our special bond would understand. In our household we grew up with powerful lungs and knew how to use them. It's how we got things done. Did we yell at each other? Most on the outside think that, but most didn't live with us or even understand us. A strong woman, A strong man raising a strong woman and two others who were unable to help themselves, strong voices held strong conversations.
It was something that My Grandma always said to me that made me understand outsiders, "Honey you know I love you, you speak my language and understand me like nobody else can, and nobody will ever understand us the way we do." I think of this when I hear people who feel they're entitled to an opinion speak about  us yet not to us. My Grandma comes from another time, from another place. Born in 1922 to a Father who loved her dearly and a Mother who ignored her and yelled at her anytime she got the chance, My Grandma was raised in what she calls  "The Sticks" and in the sticks people lived very differently than we do now. Her way of life was instilled in me from the moment she made my crib out of a dresser drawer.

Often I'm told that I have such a maternal instinct, or that I'm "such a grandma" and old soul, many would think that I would take these statements as insults, but they are probably the best compliments that I have ever been paid, because it means that my Grandma will always live in me as she should.

My heart became whole not at birth but at the moment she held me in her arms. At that moment her love became my own, I will always fight to be sure that she is taken care of and that she has everything she deserves, and if I lose relationships along the way because someone does not understand, so be it. My responsibility is to her First and foremost, and as my military Grandfather taught me, with every win will come at a cost, and when it comes to her I will lose everyone if it means I have My Everything.

Some think that it takes a lot out of a person to take care of the elderly, except that the only thing it really takes is love, and when she says "Your love keeps me alive" to me, I know that not only are our voices strong, so is our love.

*Dedicated to the only Mother I've ever truly known, to the woman who has held my hand through every horrific moment in my life, who cried with me and wiped my tears when I couldn't handle the pain. You are the reason I strive to be the person I am, the reason I want to wake up every morning, the one person who taught me how to love. I promised to give you the love you never had,  to give the love you've given me. You have always been the Golden to this Girl. I love you more than life itself, and I thank God every night that he gave me to you so that you could bring me to him. I love you, I love you, I love you.  

- Your little Mexican Girl

Interlude...

She lays silently with nothing but the thought of what seems like a dream as the lucidity sets in she's unable to see the line between realms.
He speaks to her in volumes unknown to him, but his voice plays every string to her heart, put life into what was beatless, brought her back to life.

His words speak to her subconscious laying out her every fantasy, not in what she feels in the physical, but what her heart feels. She feels the words calm her nerves, though he's honest she can see the small piece he still hides; The piece he keeps for himself that she knows he wants to share.

His heart strings were loose, she's not deaf to the tune... His pitch is perfect as his soul sings the Melody, no sign of any auto-tune. Sincerity and strength in the pain he's felt, as she synthesizes with his beat she hears the cadence as it slowly begins to march to his bass.

Moving slowly she imagines the moment everything will change, he's reserved in his appearance yet moves with confidence. Her eyes meet his gaze and its as if he hears her thoughts, he realizes she holds a certain strength, a certain mystery that he's yet to find. He's turns away to clear his thoughts and turns to her and wonders ... Could she be the one he's waited for...

He looks back and she's nowhere in sight ... She's awaken from the night...

Proof Of Claim

I was once told, that by being the designated driver for my friends who drink was enabling them...
Had I taken that into consideration, not only could my friends be gone, but so could others... innocent lives...

I don't take anything I do lightly... Which to some people it looks as if I'm too serious, but to those who have taken the time to get to know me, understand that my passion runs deep... They also know what a zest for life I have, that I can make a good thing out of any situation should I choose to. .......

I'm going to stop there... And start by saying that, Ive always been an emotional person, I used to base it on the fact that I'm a Pisces ... which I mean could still be true... But, in some of the most darkest or happiest times, I find that he blesses me with tears so that I can feel his love, whether I need it to remind me, I can call on him or to remind me of the blessings he's given me.

I knew when I started this road, I knew that I would have opposition, I knew that my life would change... Though it may seem difficult at first, though it may seem absurd as to how I will be treated, I understand.

I'm a different kind of "Christian" that you may have found... I'm not judgmental, or at least I try really hard not to be, I don't feel like I'm perfect although I will try to live in his perfect likeness...

I have been told that I've always been different, that because I have seen the good and bad sides of faith that it helps me identify with others... Or maybe its just the fact that while I've always had my faith I know that regardless you can still experience the bad side.... I'm realistic, while I understand that there are guidelines to be followed, I know that I was born a sinner, I know that because I was born a sinner I will die one, the difference is when I leave this earth I will have been forgiven, because I have given my heart over to Jesus, not because I let him in my life, but because I realized it was never my life to make that choice.
I am here because of him, I have a place in Heaven because of him, I know that he died, rose and will rise again because of our flaws as sinners... But what I live by is the fact that by knowing his heart, I know my own.
I know that to sin on purpose cannot be forgiven, because it becomes a recurring circle... If you think he doesn't know your every thought before you think it, what's in your heart, I would hope you would reconsider that thought. Words are only sounds until there is meaning behind them, a prayer, and prayers of forgiveness can be nothing more than wishes, or dreams with no destinations unless there is true meaning behind them.

I have never claimed to be anything other than me, I am human, I have views, and opinions, ones that are not always going to be agreed upon, which is fine by me. I do not expect to be looked at as an idol, as a saint, as godly as any of the things that people place as objects to be worshiped, because God says "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
He has sent his children to spread his word, not to be worshiped. I'm fulfilled by his love and just like with any relationship, I like to shout it from the rooftops.

I will always admit my wrongs, I will always admit to my sin, because as I've said before it is my sin to bare, I repeat MY SIN to bare, and not for anyone else to judge me on them. I have tattoos (which is probably my most difficult to get away from) I've lied and I'm ashamed, I lust after men, though I don't act on it, it does not mean that my heart has not felt it; I've had hate in my heart... I've yet to meet a person who hasn't to which by the Bible's standards, you've already created murder [of the heart], look back at your life and your choices and tell me you're without sin. It's okay, I'll wait....

I have only one to answer to, and it isn't anyone of this Earth or this life, he is beyond that. From my interactions with him lately, he still seems to put me where he wants me, so I guess I'm doing just fine...

_________________________________________________________________

There's the line, feel free to throw your stones...

"If God is with me, then who can stand against me..."

Make Me Proud...

I am no better than the next, but I do have morals, I do have views, and I do have opinions...
But Never have I considered them to be anything MORE THAN THAT.
A friend of mine felt that something I had to say was a judgment to which I highly disagree... But its eye opening to see how some view another's view...

I'm not a feminist, I just believe that I am no less than another, and that women have fought hard to earn our place amongst men in "Their world" .

As a young girl I would hear the stories my Grandma would tell, and it always amazed me to think that not everyone was an equal... I cannot imagine what it would have been like to live in a time where women were not equal, where a wife had no choice but to be submissive to her husband regardless of their actions. It boggles my mind to think that, this way of life is still true in some parts of the world. We won the rights to say whatever and be whoever we want, even if it may not be to everyone's liking.

I've always said I would have loved growing up in the 1950's with the same rights we have now... That was a time where marriage meant something, where values prevailed over privilege. When a woman was respected as not an object but a human being, even if it wasn't in a corporate setting. Now was it always this way, I'm sure it wasn't, but even when it wasn't, this wasn't something that was promoted as a respectable way of life.

I watch television and I see young girls getting pregnant being promoted, I see sex before marriage promoted as a way to pass time and be popular... That degrading yourself sexually is ok...

Yes I was raised with Morals and Values and yes it does upset me when I see young girls feeding into the idea that it's alright to be treated this way, and young men seeing that it's alright to treat them that way.

I have a friend who, while she loves her boyfriend very much, she refuses to move in with him before they're married... I know its an ancient way of thinking, and I have to say that I feel living with someone at least a little while before marriage is a good idea, just so you truly know what you're getting into... You can live with someone and not have sex .. so living that way isn't a huge deal to me, but I love the fact she believes in her values enough to stand up for them. Where did all of these people go??!

It's not alright to talk about money, but its alright to talk about your sexual acts and partners??

I can't imagine the world the way it's becoming, Yes we're free, but free to do what? Call it a judgment, call it an informed opinion, but yes I believe that values and morals should have a place in this society, and its heart breaking that it isn't that way. To think that I must settle for these things as a part of my life... Am I in the wrong to be offended by my husband objectifying other women... Love and Hip hop says if you love your man, you're willing to accept his indiscretions. Am I wrong for telling my children that it is NOT alright to have sex before marriage, that having a child at 16 isn't the ideal lifestyle... When did the right thing become the wrong...

I will never apologize for the values my Grandmother instilled in me, I will never apologize for my faith... And I will never be less than what I know I am.
I deserve to be loved, and I deserve to feel like that love is genuine. I am more than a body and a face... The makeup doesn't make me although I love it... I'm intelligent, I tend to have a sense of humor, I'm eclectic, cultured... Most importantly I'm loving and I care ... I was once told that the one thing this person loved about me was that I cared so much, but in the same sentence was told sometimes they wished I didn't care so much... That's just me... I'm a passionate person, and yes I wear my heart on my sleeve and again I will never live as if that is a negative trait. Love me or hate me, its your choice, but this is me, and at the end of the day, through the life I've lived and everything I've accomplished I'm proud of myself because I deserve to be... I've made it to where I am because of the values I have... And every accomplishment, every let down, every decision I've made, I became what everyone told me was impossible... I did NOT follow in my "Mother's" footsteps like everyone said I would... I can look back and say ... I'm most proud that My Grandparents have someone to be proud of, and that they approve.... There is nothing in this world that solidifies my decisions more than that.

Renegade

I'm funny when I choose to be... I don't mind a debate here and there but it seems as though, these two things have been seen as invitations for those who don't understand, that it's become for their amusement and not mine.

I've gone through a lot in my life, and it's so interesting to me how much my view of life and events have changed. Though many may not like it, it is what it is.

In my life I've been many of things, some I'm proud of and some I'm undecided on, but I know who I want to be and it seems as though it may not be the same as what others want me to be. Well I guess the good thing is, that I've always been one to go against the grain and be different, with my morals, caring heart and common sense.

I've never been one to appease someone else just because it was easy, But I have been one to watch my manners, something my Grandma taught me. I have a strong mind and strong opinions, which I now know that there may have been times I should have kept some of them to myself, and if at any time I didn't and offended anyone, I would hope that you know it was not my intention and if I did I am sincerely sorry...

One night my Grandmother had told me about how she had stopped smoking... She had gone to church one day and the pastor had started a prayer and had asked the congregation what they wanted him to pray for, I thought to my self it was like a dj at a club or something... Instead, my Grandma had prayed for the Lord to help her quit smoking... She walked out of the church and started to light a cigarette, and said she heard a voice that said "PUT IT OUT" And she never had another cigarette again in her life....
She had told me when I find God, REALLY allow him in, things are going to change... I did not want to hear any of that, because I figured I was already good the way I was and handling things just fine... I was also 16 years old.

I see things in a way that offends me rather than anyone else, and because of that I now understand where Grandma was coming from. He's not only opened but warmed my heart, there's no way to ignore it, not that I want to but even if I did, its as if it's the only thing I find impossible. I spoke to 2 young girls (kids of a friend of mine) last night; We spoke about the Bible, they had all of these questions and all I could think to myself was, "I remember this" It was like it was my Grandma, Grandma Pearl and I, the 3 of us sitting asking these same questions, asking if its alright to pray about tether ball game...

How can innocence be so lost? How can you find something you never even realized was gone?

I've gone through so many emotions in this time in my life, which for the most part have been very comforting and I don't how else to say it other than I've Changed...
For the most part I'm the same person I've always been but my heart has changed. I've never been a push over and that will not change, if anything that's a stronger, and I would choose no differently. I would hope that people would take notice and understand that I am who I am, the only way that is changing is if God chooses, but for right now I am who he wants me to be and I like it. My life has never been more fulfilling with a simple opening of my eyes in the morning, and the deep breaths he allows me to take. I never really knew how something as simple as feeling comfortable could be one of the best feelings in the world.

This may not make me some individuals favorite person, but I'm alright with that. I learned years ago that regardless of how someone else sees me, I am the one who owns the power, and a little confession... I do crave power a tad bit. So think of me what you will... It doesn't change who I am.