Tim Brown's "The Making Of A Man"- Review

 
As I began reading Heisman Trophy winner, and Raider Legend, Tim Brown’s book "The Making of a Man: How Men and Boys Honor God and Live With Integrity" I was instantly drawn in. I’m ashamed to say but, I’m one of those readers who judge the books by their covers (in the literal sense). For Me, knowing that Tim was writing a book was all I needed to know in order to purchase it, top it off with the fact that he would be doing a speaking engagement at my church, that was a done deal for me. As a Raider fan and even more so a fan of Tim Brown…scratch that, not a fan… a loyal admirer and follower of Tim Brown the Introduction and the first chapter ‘A Man Is Thankful’ I was immediately hooked. To read the details behind his mindset leading up to the Super Bowl was beyond emotional for me.

You see I was about 6 When Tim started playing professional football. The very first Raider memorabilia I had was Tim’s. Grandma and I were in Kmart and she said “ Hey Honey, how would you like this?” A Placard of Tim Brown.
Little did she know… 
 
 As a little girl, football isn’t something you think of being a part of her life but it was for me, and being surrounded by San Francisco fans, the fact that I went against the grain wasn’t a happy moment by the men in my family. Grandma and I were sitting and watching the Raiders play and Tim brought down this catch that just amazed me, Grandma and I did a little touch down dance and celebrated, it was Tim who made me a Raider fan.
Grandma being my strong hold, my anchor to the Lord, as I read Tim’s words I am absolutely beside myself as to the power of God’s plan. How he connects us in so many different ways. I could never pinpoint on why I had such an admiration for Tim, I mean aside from his athletic accomplishments there was something about him that was just ...more.
In his book, he says His wife's is described as having a light about her, and when I read this, it clicked.. That's what it is about him beyond the plays on the football field, his light for the Lord is beyond what his play is, which seems impossible but its true
 
When I had the opportunity to meet him (the first time) at Fred Biletnikoff’s Grid Iron Greats meet and greet before the Golf Tournament he does every year, I remember as my turn was approaching, I was standing there looking at the person in front of me and my knees gave out a little, I had began to feel a little woozy. I walked up and he was so gracious and so sincere as a person I tell you It was as something radiated off of him (that light). He asked how I was and I explained I was feeling as if I were going to pass out and He said “Well lets take our picture first.”   It was so odd to see how human this hero of mine was. The second time I had the opportunity was the very next year at the golf tournament and this time I asked him to sign my arm so I could tattoo it on, I left that very moment and had it put on me for life.  I look back at these moments as I read through "The Making of A Man" it wasn't just a trip down memory lane, it was as if I experienced it all over again for the first time with a new pair of eyes.
I was never into reading Biographies really but Grandma loved them. I wish that she were here to read this with me, I can without a doubt say that it would have been one of her favorites.
 
Tim has done what we all should strive to do, and that is be as honest as possible with our walk with Jesus. Many believe you have to show a certain type of face when talking about Jesus and hide all the things that came before.  When in actuality it is our story that came before our meeting of the Lord that is the one that catches the attention of someone, and the story of God's grace and how we live from that moment on that changes another person's life, the very thing that could lead a doubter to God.
 
Throughout the "The Making Of A Man" Tim relives the most talked about, and the toughest times as a Raider fan that we've experienced (Tuck Rule & the Super Bowl). He does an amazing job of drawing you in and explaining the comparison between his professional, family and spiritual life, which to Tim are all one in the same. Whether you are on the football field or in your every day life, a football fan or just a regular guy, a woman or a man, The Making Of A Man is a book everyone should not just own but keep with them throughout their life.
 
Tim I thank you for what you've given me as a fan, but more so as a follower of Christ.  God's plan for you is going to be beyond glorious, and the way you have honored him is nothing short of Godly.  I truly believe God has that Hall Of Fame moment for you, he's just waiting for the right time for you to have the right story to proclaim him in that Big of a Moment.
 
I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone and everyone who is looking for encouragement, who feel they've failed at something, families, and to be very honest I'd like to see pastors read this book, because I've seen too many pastors preaching the word but not all of the truth and I know that this book will revive that fire under you that God has been trying to give you. 

I could go on and on, page by page with a review because it touched me so deeply but instead I will encourage you to read it for yourself and feel the same inspiration "The Making Of A Man" gave me.

In The Trenches

I missed Church this week...

It was about 6pm and I thought I'd make a phone call and figured I'd be off in 15 minutes or so, in time to leave for church.

The phone call took a turn when Satan tried to intervene and induce anger into the situation. Years before the conversation would have continued with a lot of arguing and insults thrown around.. To the point I ended up cussing (something I'm known for not doing). I had an opportunity here, either do what I'm used to, show her that I have every reason to be angry, use the fact that I'm some sort of authority, that shes nobody to me so what she says doesn't matter... Or...
I can show her Grace.

As we argued I tried to get through but she was getting frustrated and defensive.. Yelling that she was hanging up and I said... "Don't let Satan hang up that phone! Do not give him that power!"

The conversation went on... She was worried about things.. Things she didn't actually need to worry about anyway... But she went on ... And I told her with Jesus there are no worries...

She's always thought she had him in her heart because we were taught to. She asked Why I think she doesn't... I simply said bc if you did, you'd have no worries...
Granted there may be things you think about but you wouldn't be worried about them  because as they appear, you've already trusted Jesus with them and they're his now...

As I explained my year to her as an example, I started to cry uncontrollably. It wasn't intentional, I wasn't emotional ... It just happened. And I said, I've had the worst year I'll ever have in my life and not one day did I worry about what would happen because, I trusted Jesus had a reason and that he wouldn't take me through trials he didn't know HE couldn't handle.

I explained that when he changed my heart he also gave me new eyes... I see situations differently, I see people differently.. I see when he is giving me direct messages... Her response was... "wow".

I explained how this is why I knew she hadn't let him into her heart aside from just wanting him there without giving anything for it... You can see someone's heart for what it is. I believe God gives us this so that we can see the broken... The ones he calls us to, to bring his grace. Like when Jesus sent Ananias to Paul, After all that Paul had done to Christ's followers He sent Ananias to heal Paul's eyes and tell him that Jesus wanted to use him to proclaim that Jesus is in fact the Messiah and what he had done for his sight among other things...

We talked about how its the little things that can determine where your eternity will be spent. How your decision in a moment will set your path and how all you have to do is ask him IN THAT MOMENT to be your eyes, and what he wants you to do.

I had a choice tonight... Go to church or be his church ...
I chose to be his church, I chose Grace over Anger and forgiveness over grudges.
I pray she really takes our conversation and let's Jesus in. That he repairs her heart and gives her new eyes. Because as we approach each new day in this generation its one moment closer  to his return.

D

"Don't Forget To Pray"

Illuminating Grace

I have never been one to hold my tongue.  I am not afraid or ashamed of the truth.

Most know I am a fan of the Book of Revelation, I say fan in the way of, its the book I'm drawn to most in the bible. I have studied this book since I was a child, Grandma and I would sit and she would read the verses and we would discuss the end times, but we would focus on the future, the beginning.

I am very big on the prophecy of the bible. I'm big on Prophecy. As a teen/young adult, I found interest in many things, such as, other religions and how they work, their beliefs, I wanted to understand where others come from. People would be very surprised to learn that ethnicity does not define belief. We've come to believe that here in recent years with the different wars waged against each other. I find that learning about other beliefs keep me educated and tolerant. Not in the sense that I believe what they believe, but I find that if I understand things it allows me not to be judgmental and more loving towards others.
In this I became very curious about skull and cross bones type of things, politics and the way things run. You see anyone who knew me as a teenager wouldn't have believed this but I really love to learn. I'm kind of a "Know It All" not in the sense of the ability to brag, I just like to be well educated on things. I learned that, "The first rule about fight club is that you don't talk about fight club."  While many have their ideas of what the "Skull and Cross Bones" are from the theatrics of Movies and the mainstream media... There are many things you'll never know anything about, and more importantly if they are as powerful as everyone makes them out to be, the things shown are probably very opposite of how things actually are... I mean, I would just assume...

I studied Nostradamus and his quatrains ... Many thought him to be "one of" the Antichrists for his visions he had, some believe he was a prophet.  I have no opinion on this other than whatever he was, his prophecies have lived long past his time. Are they derived from the bible? Are they visions from God? Or were they things Satan allowed him to see? We'll never really have any way of knowing. 

As I said I did my research, mainly to see if it fit in with my view on prophecy, and it does, it absolutely does. I got to a point where it was the only thing I could think about. I grew up preparing myself for the signs the bible says we would see in the last days... I became completely lost in it. To the point that, Revelation and outside sources kept me from diving more into the bible and building my relationship with Jesus.

Once I got back to basics, and back into my relationship with Jesus I started to see things in a different light. I saw his light.  I was devoting a lot of my life to cleaning my house and waiting for the knock on the door, rather than pursuing his company as it is... As I am.  What I mean by that is, instead of diving into my relationship with him and how I could strengthen it, I was busy trying to make everything right, and put puzzle pieces together instead of just putting my trust in him.

The point of Revelation, and the prophecies in the different books of the bible are to warn those who have not yet given their lives over. To show that the wrath of God is real and that this world will encounter it. In other words, its telling you when you see these things know that I am near... And if you have any plans on going to Heaven and spend your eternal life with Jesus, worry about your self and not what you're seeing.

We are here to plant the seed and spread the Good News... Though we are definitely in the last days, I find that acknowledging the signs is necessary but focusing on  my love for Jesus and his good news is what will matter in the end.... In order to see a new beginning.

Love Lost...

I have no idea where to begin ....

Going into this year I knew that it would be life changing... It was the year I would hit 30, my first brush with my own mortality, and realization about where I would be at in life. The thought of my baptism gave me hope that any fears I had going into the year would disappear afterwards.

In February My entire world crashed down before my eyes. I have no way of truly expressing the emotion I felt. Working in Oncology I hear cancer I don't think of it as the end of everything, there's treatment, there's options... There's hope. But when you hear the word cancer and you look in the eyes of your Ninety Year Old Grandmother and know that those options do not apply, things become very different. I watched her eyes smile knowing why but understanding wasn't something I could wrap my head around... not then. Facing this not once but twice really just ate away at me. I never thought I'd actually ever have to face life without her. I know it sounds crazy, but the faith this woman instilled in me just really made me believe she and I would be together forever. Though I know she's with me always... The ability to have ridiculous conversations with her, to listen to her outrageous logic, to hear her call me her sweetheart, honey, to say that she loved me... It's been difficult not being able to hear that. Not looking into her merciful and loving blue eyes, it's one of the most difficult things I face on a daily basis.... But then by night fall, I close my eyes and there she is. She lets no time go by where she doesn't grace me with her presence. It's because of this I am able to keep moving forward.

Knowing that Grandma would not be at my baptism practically killed me... I had so much put into it for her, being able to continue with it was something I really had to come to terms with. Because Although I wanted to do it in a way that showed my love and appreciation for her, I had to remember why I was getting baptized. This was the highlight of my entire year... And probably will be for my entire life. This day meant more to me than anything I had ever experienced. The emotion, the love, the calming I felt as I began to walk down the aisle and into the water was so overwhelming, that I felt I lost consciousness... I was no longer in the presence of this world... I could feel nothing but the love of Jesus with a hint of Grandma's around me and it was that moment that I knew my life officially changed forever. Life has been a whirlwind since then; I've lost friends, friends I thought would be with me throughout the rest of my life, which at one point I took personally but then I realized that, this life I am embarking on is not something everyone is going to be able to grasp. I chose to live my life for the Lord, and although I don't want anyone to turn from him, and I'd like to do as much as I can to bring his children to him, I know that I am merely a vessel, I am only here to plant his seed it is up to me to trust in him to water it.

I've ended an 11 year friendship which was my longest standing relationship that basically helped form my young adulthood. Though I was not married the end result has felt nothing short of a divorce and it's been the biggest test I've had to deal with thus far. For those who know me, or have seen my writings... I love love... I'm a hopeless romantic. I believe in Love and for the last 10 years of my life, I devoted myself to that Love. It didn't matter what I gave up, it didn't matter to me what needed to be sacrificed because this love was my everything. I watched my Grandma stay married to a man who she never saw, a man who on his best days was grouchy but she stuck to him because she believed in Love. I watched her sacrifice everything for me because she loved me. I grew to keep this as a value in my life and I was no different. I applied this to everything in my life. You want to know why I go so hard for my Raiders, Kings... Why I become defensive for certain celebrities ... That is why. To me love was something you defend, its what you go to war for if necessary, and I did... on too many occasions. I believed that my devotion to this love was enough to make everything right.  I wasn't wrong... I was just in the wrong place.  It was one night a year and a half ago I stopped and I looked at my life... I opened my bible for answers and there it was... Grandma didn't believe in Love... she believed in HIS LOVE. She gave herself away for the Love that Jesus gave to her, and for the love he wanted her to give.  All this time I was throwing my love in the wrong direction. I never knew HIS LOVE before, I had it in me all along, its was dwelling there I just wasn't aware of where it came from. I knew then what love was... I knew it was beyond me... I found that Love I had always dreamed of. It wasn't from a fairy tale, it wasn't something some guy was going to give me, no.... It was there lying in my heart all along. I knew then it was time to stop searching, to stop stressing over a love that I had finally found. My worries, My pain, My anxiety... was lifted and disappeared.
I endured a lot through this relationship and though I am saddened by the fact that a person I devoted so much time to chose to do everything but when it came to me, I know what must be done will be. I will not stand for or allow anyone to disrespect the love God gave me to share, or the heart that sits within this body because it is no longer mine... No this body, heart and soul lies within the body of the Lord now.
Again, It's hard losing people whom you thought would be in your life forever... and as you can see I've lost some major roles in my life this year, and though loss of any kind is not easy, I know that with death comes life... With every ending there is a new beginning. I know that he is the Alpha and the Omega and what was will be again. My faith is in the hands of my ever loving Lord Jesus Christ, no safer place than that.

Although I feel broken down, though I feel like I am lost, though I feel at an end... I find refuge, I find shelter in his presence. 

This year with all that I have lost, in this I have found peace. 

D

Open Letter....

Where do I begin....


As you have seen in the video I just posted... The last few weeks were a bit interesting... ups and downs, trials and blessings...

Tonight I want to talk to you about who I am ...

I recently have had time to reflect, not because I wanted to necessarily but I think my subconscious just felt it was time to. This grieving process has been absolutely mind boggling. I am not experiencing things the way one normally would and it has left me a bit amiss. I have had one of the most pleasant experiences internally during this process but maybe it's because that's exactly what I'm doing, I'm grieving.... not mourning...
The only sadness I feel is more of the fact that I really miss being able to hear Grandma say " I love you" in the way that she would... It's funny, I actually hear her in me when I tell Jaxson that I love him... I say it in the same way, but it wasn't until last night that I noticed it. I've also noticed that my sneezes and laugh is the same, something I never caught before now. Maybe it's because I want to hear these things or maybe it really is the same, either way I'm happy with it. It's things like this that keep me happy, that keep my heart from wanting to cry tears of sadness, and in turn produce tears of happiness.

I love Grandma more than words will ever be able to express, so instead I chose to keep her memory alive. To share the memories I have of her, to share her with the world. I feel so selfish to have been the one person that had this bond with her. She loved her family, Next to Jesus it was the one thing she cared about most, but she and I had something that was different, something that transcends Heaven and Earth, Life and Death. I remember following her passing a dear friend of mine sent me words of love... The one thing I remember mostly from it was, "I've never known anyone else to be so lucky as to have someone so deeply kind and loving in their life, Every day with her was a blessing, and everyday forward will be a guided journey"  These words were spot on, they are the words that help guide me when I think of sharing her with others.  I think of the many people out there who have never felt a love like hers, she was the love that exemplified Jesus' love for us. There is not a bone in my body that will allow me to keep this for myself.  

But others saw this differently and felt I was letting the situation consume me, and when I became aware of these feelings it gave me pause... I felt out of sorts... not because I felt it was true, but more because, my heart hurt for them. That they could not see I come from love, not depression. It sat with me for a while, and it knocked me down. This was a moment I would go to Grandma and talk about, to pick me up. She's the only one who could make me feel right, the only one who had the right words.  I moved on, business as usual and then....

A friend of mine I've known since I was in the fourth grade and I were catching up one day and she said "How have you been, you seem happy" It was a statement like that, that took me out of my uneasiness. Where some see consumption, others see the light... others see the love... Grandma's light is shining through and I'm wearing the love of Jesus on my sleeve.

I have a difficult time with sharing myself verbally... Not because I don't always have the words I need, but more so because public speaking is something that spikes my anxiety.  I can go on 2 hours talking about Jesus because as I begin, he takes over me, its not me. Most of the time I go into it just winging it, or there are times I have things written down to talk about and never mention it. But to lead a prayer... I just can't do it, I have no idea why, I mean I can pray, but its the aloud part that gets me. Every Wednesday I have such major anxiety before Seven O'clock hits and I hit "broadcast" and then... like that! It's gone.  It once came to a point where I felt like if nobody was listening, or if I say something wrong... what's the point...? But then I remember... If just one person hears me, if just what God uses me for helps one person come to Jesus... then my anxiety will need to take a back seat. 
If I stifle myself, then I stifle Grandma, and what Jesus has done for us in our lives, and THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I want to encourage you all, to take that step... Whatever you're facing, whatever your struggles, whatever it is that gives you anxiety... set it aside. Because you have something to teach someone...You are the factor that will change someone's life in ways you can't even understand.  Don't care what anyone else thinks or feels about what you do... because when you bring someone to Jesus... God is happy with you. God is proud of you, and when you feel that, all that anxiety and second guessing is gone.

If you have had a difficult time, a difficult life, If you are at a point that you don't know what there is left for you, but you need a change... I ask you to open your heart, let down your walls and pray this prayer....  I ask you all to pray this prayer...

Lord, I am not worthy of your love but you still love me.
I am broken, I am at an end, I have nothing left in me.
Lord, I need you, I need you to come in to my heart, to change my life.
Forgive me of my sins Lord, save my soul.
I give my life to you Lord Jesus.
I surrender myself to you Lord, all of my worries, all of my trials, I give it all to you.
I believe that all things can be done through you, that you are my savior.
Come into my heart Jesus...
Amen...

If you prayed that prayer, I want to congratulate you... Letting Jesus into your heart is the first step towards a life of purpose, a life full of unconditional Love. Your life before does not define you, your life before this moment is your testimony on how you came to Jesus, to help others who have walked a similar path as you to relate to Jesus. Don't be afraid to speak of your walk with Jesus to others, you plant the seed and he will water it.  

I welcome you all to share your stories with me. Email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, messages, comments below... however, I want to share your stories as well. We are his church! Lets bring Jesus to the masses!

I will see you all next week! Dont Forget To Pray!

~D

Euphoric Epiphany

Euphoric Epiphany

I can feel the chill as the wind blows across my shoulders,

As the hair raises along my arms and perks my spine I,

Close my eyes and take a deep breath,

Spinning in circles towards the sound,

The sound that succumbed to death. 

Inhaling I fill my lungs, I,

Exhale and find that it's not oxygen but the spirit that's filled my body,

A resurgence runs through me, and the soul is free, 

Pain no longer controls the decisions the heart makes,

Walking in grace, I see the vision of that face, as I feel the embrace.

Submerged in love, 

The past is buried,

Your blessings pour down from above,

I vowed to live my life for you, this commitment I marry.

Following in footsteps that graced the Earth,

I walk with purpose, to go beyond the surface,

To sights unseen, shining the way, that lights the day.

Sacrifice made, that paved the way, 

To Share the news of an empty tomb,

Blessed are those who hear and loved are those who fear.

Bowed in your presence, I'm raised as righteous,

Reminiscing in your words I, 

Am called to another time, reminding me that I am yours,

And you are mine.

Beyond a Memory, your body rose,

Blessed am I the one you chose,

Your promises kept, this fact I have come to accept,

As my soul rejoices in truth it wept.

Lives have been saved, Your purpose served ,

Mistakes have been forgiven, 

For my life I owe you everything,

but above all things for this... is Eternity...

The pain you bared, pleading to God to leave you spared,

For me you would suffer, In this life you would even have to die,

But because of your Love and Grace, I will forever be your bride.

~D

Jesus > Religion Review

        I was selected to receive an advanced copy of  "Jesus > Religion: Why He Is So Much Better Than Trying Harder, Doing More, and Being Good Enough" by famed spoken word poet Jefferson Bethke, who is famously known for his video "Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus",  in order to write a review on my opinion of the book.  I have to say I had a very biased opinion going in, I was pre-ordering my copy on Amazon anticipating its arrival October 7th, but I am also very critical when it comes to this subject so I also went in with a very intense eye on how Jesus would be portrayed, and once I start to read it I found that it was very different to how I imagined. Jefferson dives in on many issues that people are afraid to speak on. Sins such as lust, greed, homosexuality, he even touched on gluttony and I can't think of the last time anyone even considered that as a sin. He speaks a lot about the fundamentalist, he breaks down different era's of Christians or religions if you will, and though some may not love his interpretation of them it's very interesting to see the younger generation's view on those who have carried this torch for so long.  I am a young adult who was raised by a woman who taught me the bible, I did not grow up in church but WITH it, and I found myself lumped into the fundamentalist group. I was in no way offended by this, matter of fact it made me look at my view how I am living with Jesus. I found myself disagreeing with his views at times, but in that I found myself reflecting on where my views are and how I can improve them in Jesus. 

    Jefferson talks about the church quite often although the title and his videos may lead you to believe otherwise, "We can't say we love Jesus and not the church because that's like cutting off someone's body and saying you love a decapitated head. That's gross. And it'ts weird.To love someone and know that person fully, you must know their entire self." The church is a part of Jesus, and we are the church. I have long believed that a church while it is important to have somewhere you can worship, it is us his children who make up the church. We are his vessel and if we are not speaking for him there is nowhere for him to go, Jefferson has done a fine job at getting this point across. 

       Many may feel he goes back and forth on certain subjects, us fundamentalists who hold certain topics with a little more high regard may find his opinions offensive but I think that's the point. We all come from different walks of life, different areas of Christianity, and when reading I found myself saying, "I'm fascinated by his view and where he came from, and how Jesus brought him to where he is now." It's a fascinating testimony of sin, morals, idolatry and love. 

      We were created to love each other, Jesus while mighty in his power came to us with love in his heart, and mercy on our souls, this is the message that Jefferson is trying to send to the masses, the message that Jesus has called us all to share. We are called to do so much more than to be beaten down by rules. He is right, once you have began your relationship with him, he calls your life out of despair and into marvelous things, and soon those rules are no longer something to be beat down by they are love. 

      I would hope while reading the average person picks up his message, the message of Love. The bible is God's love letter to us, and this is Jefferson's love letter to not just God, but God's children as well. I myself have identified with many if not ninety-seven percent of Jefferson's walk and though some of my outcomes have been a bit different, the end result has been the same. As he says, If just one person reads this book and it opens them up to Jesus then it would be worth it, Jefferson, I commend you because, with that one book you may feed millions just  as Jesus did with his few little fish and his seven loaves of bread to the 4,000. 

-D