Of Purple Hearts and Living Water

This isn't an easy post to write.

Everything I ever knew to be true blew up in my face recently. If I'm going to be completely honest that's how it felt.

I am someone who needs to know "Why" to everything. That annoying kid always asking, why, why, but why.... In order for me to understand how to do something, I need to know why you do it. What's the purpose behind it. In life, I have many more questions than I do answers, and I guess that's the way it's meant to be. I don't go into anything without knowing the answer to my question first. Maybe that's the analytical part of me, but common sense just tells me, if you know all the answers before taking something on, the process will be a breeze...

God doesn't work that way though. I'm finding this out more and more as time moves on. You would think I'd just assume that since he punished all of the Human Race for the fact that Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge when he forbid them. I assume this is why we only use a small percentage of our Brain compared to what it's capable of.  Friends like to at times say they hate that I'm always right about things; I'm a "Know It All" not in the annoying sense where I have to brag about it, I just really enjoy being knowledgeable about anything and everything. This is probably why I have a background in Law, Medical, and Administration, in addition to "Street Smarts" why I know how to "McGeyver" many situations. I like to be prepared in any and all situations I may end up in.

But if I have learned anything recently, it's that I can't prepare for everything.

I've been to what feels like the ends of the Earth the last three years and for some it may bring them to a breaking point, but I just kept going. And then the world fell out from underneath me.

As long as I have lived, as long as I have known about God I have never questioned Him, the existence of Him or His word. It always made sense to me, His purpose made sense, I never had any reason to question. Once I gave my heart to him it was even more apparent. You would think, after the numerous tragedies I've endured before the time I was 16 that I'd have reason to question Him, or a reason to turn from Him, but I never did. And then my Grandpa took his own life.

Being so deeply rooted in my faith I don't take anything as seriously as I do my relationship with God and his word. How does someone who is so "devout" as some would call it, handle a situation like this? Simply put... I didn't, I closed up and shut down.

I all of a sudden had nothing but questions. I had everyone doing their best to be comforting and offer words of encouragement and love but all it did was further confuse me. I went into a deep seclusion, I needed answers, but I needed them from God. While all I could do was question Him, it was Him I knew I needed the answers from. He never left me but there were moments I felt so lost that I was afraid I couldn't hear Him, not that He left me, but just that I had fallen so deep that my capability of hearing Him was a long shot.

The day this all happened, I was talking to someone, one of the only people I felt comfortable enough to talk to about it and she said to me.  "I think you're going to use this to help others, people going through the same thing." It was one of the first things I also thought about, helping those with PTSD, suicidal thoughts, the loved ones who are left behind. But honestly, at this point in my life I've been through what feels like, every known tragedy a person can possibly go through, it's not like I needed something else to add to the list. My solution is always God regardless of any situation, or tragedy so to think I needed something else to go through in order to reach people didn't seem necessary.

As I sat, I thought about everything one would, some of the thoughts cross my mind randomly while others are more persistent. Trying to make sense of something so senseless seems pointless, but I had to do it. I have to have an answer for everything, regardless if I like it or not, I at least need a firm answer.  Figuring out how to deal with something that doesn't have a concrete answer just made the whole thing worse.

Dealing with the loss of the Man who saved my life, add the fact that I have to deal with how I lost him, and now my faith was in a place I never imagined it would be, to say  that I was in uncharted waters was an understatement. If I'm being honest I felt like I was in one of Grandpa's stories from when he would be out on the Sea on his way to Singapore and the waves would hit 50 foot swells. I was drowning. Waves crashing over me to the point that as soon as I try to come up for air I'm pushed back under.

And then one night, I was processing all of the things everyone had said to me. The fact that the ultimate sin is denying God, Jesus, not suicide as the Catholic religion had so many believing. The fact that just four days beforehand I felt this amazing feeling of relief and realizing that God let me know that Grandpa had made his peace with Him. I was on a drive, a long drive and I could hear Him again...

We think that because he's God that He controls everything, simply because He has the power to change things. We blame him for the bad things that happen to us, we ask why... This wasn't what I questioned. I never questioned why he let this happen, I knew he didn't create that. My Grandpa made his choice, I hold him responsible for his choice. My question was how could I believe a man who never cared about God in his entire life unless it meant him winning the lottery, could make it to Heaven on top of the fact of taking his own life. I felt like everything I knew was in question, simply because of his decision.

Satan had crept in, it was like he sat and waited and watched and once he won over the thoughts of my Grandpa he moved in on me immediately. I let him, I let him take over my thoughts, ones that brought me to my own contemplation of suicide. If he can do it and he's okay then I want to be done, I want this to be over I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of being the warrior, the soldier who just continues to fight battles that I didn't ask for.
I don't think people realize just how much of a domino effect suicide can have.

In that moment, I did what I always did when I felt that depressed, when I felt in my darkest, I cried for God to take care of me, to stop the thoughts, to make Satan leave. And it was in that moment I heard Him.

I'm a person who needs all of the answers, someone who has fought battle after battle and think I'm done battling. Someone who thinks that I've been through so much that my testimony at this point could help anyone really since there wasn't anything I felt I couldn't handle, in what I've experienced.

But, how can I speak to people who feel lost, to those who question not just faith but their own if  I never felt that I ever had to? How can I attest to the validity of God, and all that He is if I just always went based on my faith? While we are to believe in our faith and hold strong in it, there are some of us who need a nudge to understand how to hold strong in that faith. And then there are those of us who are called to be his faithful servant beyond all questions and believe in His plan so that we can reveal Him to others.

I didn't know what my purpose was exactly when I chose to follow Jesus. I knew it was meaningful, I could just feel that in the depths of my soul, in the bottom of my heart. I vowed to go where He leads me. I know that He loves me, and I know how much He loves all of His children.
If He believes I'm strong enough to endure the things that feel the worst in order to survive them with His grace so that I can show others his true love and power, his mercy and promises then so be it.


 ***This is to everyone who question, to those who feel like they're at their lowest, to those who feel like they can't carry on. Pull yourself out of the deepest pits of where darkness dwells and let His light carry you on. It's not easy, but His reward for you will be ten fold when He's ready to call your name. Do not be afraid and know that you are loved by the Almighty and that His love will shine in you onto others if you let it.


To those of you reading this who know someone either battling suicide or depression, or someone who has been left behind I encourage you to share this with them. Be open with them, let them know how much they're valued in not just life, but yours as well. Try to understand that the things you think they need to hear may not be, instead ask them what they feel like doing, talking about and let them lead the way. Sometimes just being with a person during a time like this and having no words is exactly what they need.

Don't Forget To Pray XoXo
-D

Open Letter

I've lived a life that is full.  Full of many things, things that I don't think anyone as a child says... I'll just survive and see what happens from there.  You become a certain way based on your circumstances. They mold you, whether you think they will or not.

I've been told I am intimidating, that I am strong, that I am  a *****, that I am assertive  and all of these things that would essentially make a female look empowering. But the truth is, living underneath that exterior is a young girl who wishes that never had to be her stigma.  Don't get me wrong, I am proud that I've overcome many things that were unfortunate in my life, I am happy that it's molded me into a person who can overcome things and can hold my own. But the truth of the matter is, this person you all know, is not the person I am now.

While yes, these attributes haven't left me, they have transformed. I'm sarcastic and like to joke with the best of them but the truth is, I felt like I could still be the same person and not change who I am in order to help reach others and not alienate people. Simply put, I was wrong... well not entirely, but mostly.  You see, I have made choices in my life, and with those choices that young girl who always wanted to have that life she always dreamed of is finally getting to live that.

I want to clear some things up and HOPE that everyone understands this so I won't have to explain it again. I made the choice not to have children YEARS ago, 23 years ago to be exact, and I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, so if God wanted me to have children of my own then he would find a way to make it happen. I also made the choice not to be married, basically meaning if I never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, I am OKAY with that.  I know its difficult for some to understand but the fact of the matter is, I have found the best love ever known to man, a love that nobody can ever duplicate. One that has made me comfortable in my own skin, one that I never have to question, one that I can trust in with my entire being. A love that has give me true and complete peace. And yes, due to my devout faith this means as long as I'm not married I am celibate. Many think of this is a punishment for lack of a better word. The truth is, I've been down that road and frankly it isn't something worth giving away to anyone who isn't in his own relationship with Christ, and if he is then he can wait.  I didn't make this decision based on past relationships, or because I've been so hurt or anything of that sort. I'm not giving things up because I'm afraid of being hurt again or whatever other reason some may think. It is as simple as I am happy in the relationship I am in with Christ and if that is how I remain forever, I am okay with that. The bible says that not everyone is meant to have a family, that some have a purpose far more than family.
I've always felt life was taking me somewhere other's weren't traveling, so to think that I am one of those who's purpose doesn't involve a family wouldn't be all that surprising ...   I'll accept whatever God's plan is for me even if it isn't what my idea is.

My ideals are not the same as they once were. As much as I want to be able to relate to this world I know that that it is more important that others relate to Christ, and that means if I am meant to lead others to him then that means I have to give up my old way of thinking.  This isn't something difficult to do, actually its more difficult not doing it. Living in this world as a follower of Christ isn't easy. I know what people think of me, I know that because the rest of the world is turning away from him that I seem like the crazy one, I am the one people will shun. But you know what, that's okay. It's not like I didn't know this when I gave my heart to him, I know his words better than I know the words to my favorite songs. The truth is, If I'm going to be persecuted for him I might as well show my entire transformation.

Truth be told, I don't like the same music I used to, and I do like to listen to Christian music more than anything,  and every day he is changing something else about me. I don't find the same things funny, while my heart is softened my it's armor is strong. I am outspoken but it is for Christ now. If you say something that I don't like its not to offend you, its not even personal. I am not judging you, but the action. If you know me at all you know deep down, the reason I say anything to anyone is in the hopes that it helps them in whatever way I can. I will talk about Jesus and I will call him by name every day and most of the day. You have to understand, he lives in me, its difficult not to talk about someone or something that is constant in your life. It is no different than a parent speaking about their children. If I had pictures of what Jesus really looked like or of us out on any day I'd share them constantly. So If I say to you, Please don't use his name in Vain, its not just because, yes, it is offensive to me, but because it is offensive to Him. The little things you do every day that you think really don't matter when it comes to your relationship with him, are the biggest. Would you curse your parent's name who has watched over you your entire life? They aren't just words, they're piercing daggers in his heart. When you don't read your bible, you are directly ignoring him. I hear people say "He doesn't talk to me." all the time, yet they never pick up their Bible.

It was time I stopped ignoring these things, and fearing other's would ignore me and the message God has for me to deliver.

The truth is, the same message I have to give is the same one that has been told for generations. I choose to give it in the purest form I absolutely can.You are free to do what you want with it, but if I don't at least share it, then I am not doing right by God, myself and more so.... YOU.  His spirit lives in me and I'm going to preach it to the masses.  God is as real as you and I and his son Jesus Christ LIVES! Love me or hate me, this is exactly what you will get from me.


God Bless - Don't Forget To Pray

-D

In The Trenches

I missed Church this week...

It was about 6pm and I thought I'd make a phone call and figured I'd be off in 15 minutes or so, in time to leave for church.

The phone call took a turn when Satan tried to intervene and induce anger into the situation. Years before the conversation would have continued with a lot of arguing and insults thrown around.. To the point I ended up cussing (something I'm known for not doing). I had an opportunity here, either do what I'm used to, show her that I have every reason to be angry, use the fact that I'm some sort of authority, that shes nobody to me so what she says doesn't matter... Or...
I can show her Grace.

As we argued I tried to get through but she was getting frustrated and defensive.. Yelling that she was hanging up and I said... "Don't let Satan hang up that phone! Do not give him that power!"

The conversation went on... She was worried about things.. Things she didn't actually need to worry about anyway... But she went on ... And I told her with Jesus there are no worries...

She's always thought she had him in her heart because we were taught to. She asked Why I think she doesn't... I simply said bc if you did, you'd have no worries...
Granted there may be things you think about but you wouldn't be worried about them  because as they appear, you've already trusted Jesus with them and they're his now...

As I explained my year to her as an example, I started to cry uncontrollably. It wasn't intentional, I wasn't emotional ... It just happened. And I said, I've had the worst year I'll ever have in my life and not one day did I worry about what would happen because, I trusted Jesus had a reason and that he wouldn't take me through trials he didn't know HE couldn't handle.

I explained that when he changed my heart he also gave me new eyes... I see situations differently, I see people differently.. I see when he is giving me direct messages... Her response was... "wow".

I explained how this is why I knew she hadn't let him into her heart aside from just wanting him there without giving anything for it... You can see someone's heart for what it is. I believe God gives us this so that we can see the broken... The ones he calls us to, to bring his grace. Like when Jesus sent Ananias to Paul, After all that Paul had done to Christ's followers He sent Ananias to heal Paul's eyes and tell him that Jesus wanted to use him to proclaim that Jesus is in fact the Messiah and what he had done for his sight among other things...

We talked about how its the little things that can determine where your eternity will be spent. How your decision in a moment will set your path and how all you have to do is ask him IN THAT MOMENT to be your eyes, and what he wants you to do.

I had a choice tonight... Go to church or be his church ...
I chose to be his church, I chose Grace over Anger and forgiveness over grudges.
I pray she really takes our conversation and let's Jesus in. That he repairs her heart and gives her new eyes. Because as we approach each new day in this generation its one moment closer  to his return.

D

"Don't Forget To Pray"

Granting Grandma's Final Wishes

I come to you with all that I am, in order to pour out my heart and down on my knees to beg for any assistance anyone may be able to give.
My Grandmother was diagnosed with Malignant Metastatic Cancer on February 9th and in just 10 days she only has a short time left.  Looking back on my life with her I can’t imagine how someone who has lived such a long life would wake up one day with such an awful disgusting disease. She’s fought heart issues, strokes, not to mention a life that was not easy. The woman bared 5 children and has outlived all but two. Her lineage is extraordinary going all the way down to Great great grandchildren. She took in anything that walked past her door, be it a stray animal or a lost soul with no questions asked, and nothing in return. She took the path that Jesus did, her grace and mercy were nothing short of what he taught her, and while I almost never agreed with these decisions she did it anyway. You see she took me in when I was just 6 months old and raised me as a daughter, not a grandchild. She’s the only thing in this world that matters anything to me and it kills me to think I can’t do ONE thing for her after she’s served her life for others.

I am here to ask for your Grace and mercy, to donate what you can be it a dollar, or more… or simply spreading the word for me. Our family would appreciate this more than you know. I will say Thank You in advance and may God bless you and your family.


To Donate just click here. Anyone with paypal account can donate through this site, if you do not have a paypal account you can also donate to the

Varela Memorial Services (checks also payable to)
Through Bank of America
Account # 325010080452

-Di

Offensive Line

I am at the moment filled with the words that need to be said but without the way to lay them down...
I'm never at a loss for words but recently, I don't know, I've been at a loss of... rationalizations.

We get hit and knocked down and it's tough to get back up, even for the strongest of people, it's a funny thing about love, it may just be one of the most dangerous drugs there is...

I've learned so much in the last 12 years, see I, as I've said before, I love hard, I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe in Love and so in that I've loved and lost, and hurt in some of the worst ways possible... But still I am here.

We rely a lot on what others feel, or think, to the point that we let that stop us from relying on our own intuition, or our own common sense, and feelings.

There are many reasons that relationships don't work, many to me that are just excuses to be very honest, but some ... that are just misunderstood.

Heartache is an emotion that was given to us just like Love, unfortunately, you take one you get the other... Now it may not be major heartache and some may say that yours is nothing compared to theirs which will probably be true.. but you will always have both at least to some capacity. This is not something to be worried about, because if you are like me... It takes a lot to be forgiving, but when you love someone, you love them whole heart and soul and that's all it takes to forgive. I spend my day looking back on the happiness that led me to where I am, and though I may not be in the brightest place at the moment, the road that led me there was radiant.

You have to weigh the good and the bad, for me short of something catastrophic, the good always outweighs the bad. The pain will subside...

I do my best to give the best advice I can, but the best advice I think I've ever given is "take only your own advice, because at the end of the day only you know your situation" Yes its great to have feedback from others but at the end of the day its your life and nobody can live it for you.

Let me give you this one piece of advice, if you take anything with you from this post; Let yourself love, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, outsiders, friends, family or even the other person you're in the relationship with... Let yourself love its okay to do that!

I stopped writing here last night, I needed to really reflect on what I was trying to say with the intent I originally envisioned.

Remember to love yourself before you try to love anyone else, because 9 times out of 10 its more than likely lust; Once you love yourself there are no questions after that. If you do not know how to love yourself how do you know if you're loving the other?
Settle for nothing other than what you want in life, if that means that the love you share with someone isn't exactly understandable to anyone else.... guess what... GOOD NEWS! ITS NOT THEIR LIFE!

I can say that without a doubt, what makes me happy is the man in my life, things will never be perfect, but he keeps me centered, probably without even knowing it. Yes, I complain about this that and the other, but if you know me, I COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING, because I'm usually bored, rest assured that with every complaint I know that there is nobody else worth it to me. My happiest moments in life are with him or because of him and any day of the week I know that's worth more than first place and gold. Will he understand that? Will anyone else? No, I doubt it, because this is me, my feelings and how I live, I live for me. What matters is, you understanding that, and enough to make that your focus, allowing yourself to feel all that comes with it and grow.

We don't always get our prince charming, or the Love we try to keep, and there might come a time when you have to sit back and say... I've given my all, and at least I know that I tried and at the end it just wasn't right....

Should this time come for you, you have to remember that it truly is not the end of the world. Would it kill me to lose my life? Yes... I've spent every day eating, sleeping, breathing this love.. so yes it would be as if the wind was knocked out of me, but I will breathe again...
Love is in you, not someone else... Allow yourself to love and someone will gravitate towards it, I promise. Take the time to get back to you, to remember who you are outside of someone else, whether you're with someone, or not... take that time, and the Love will find you again...

Instruction Manual

Thats right Fellas... It's your turn.

In the last year I have been so obsessed with learning how the male mind works (Yes ladies... it works) that I thought I may have forgotten how ours works... Until a man made the sweetest gesture for me and it all came flowing back.

I thought to myself one day, If I hear another guy say that women need to come with an instruction manual I'm gonna!!! .... Write one for them!

So here it is... Believe it or not it's pretty simple.

WE WANT WHAT WE WANT... and sometimes reality doesn't always play a part in that.
Sorry ( Our Bad )

First thing is first... get to know the woman you're with because instruction manuals may not fit every model, but it will usually help for annual maintenance.

Every woman does have a Dream Man... Now I know I know... you thought he was some fictional character... but alas... I will have to correct you, because he REALLY DOES EXIST.
You will never see him, or hear him... But you will be compared to him every second of every day... You will only achieve his greatness once... At the beginning of your relationship...
You MAY catch a glimpse of him on your honeymoon but don't get comfortable because by that Monday You'll just be the man she married...

Okay so lesson #1 Unless its Sex... No always means YES.

Are we mad... NO = YES
Should I do this for her ... No you don't have to = Yes
Do I have to go ... You don't have to = If you know whats good for you, you better

So every email forward that you've received that states this... DID come from a woman IT'S TRUE.

Lesson #2 What a Woman Wants
(grab your pop corn and drink, you're gonna be here for a minute)

Women want you to do things just because you want to. What does that mean?
Perfect movie reference - "The Break Up'-' I want you to WANT to do the dishes"

Meaning- Because men are not typically the emotional creatures we are, we don't always get the verbal certification of the relationship so we look for actions.

Yes you may tell us you love us, or that you care about us but remember we're always comparing you to Mr. Dream Man, and Dream Man would do things for us without us asking (i.e. super cute gestures, gifts -candy flowers etc- ) these are called the "just because gifts". Now he doesn't have to do these things all the time, a couple times a month he would come home and say.. I know you don't like flowers but you seemed sad today I thought it would make you feel better. He would take her OUT to dinner and make a night just for her... HE would plan these things. Actions will always speak louder than words.

Here is a perfect example of a situation I had...

" I love doing sporting events but can we do something where not everyone is with us?!"
His Answer: If you want to do something, then just say it...

Can anyone figure out where he went wrong, or what he should have said??

-I'll give you a minute-

Correct Answer: I'm planning a weekend vacation for us, or Do You want to go to dinner/Movie, Let's go to the theme park (because we do still like that stuff) do you want to take a drive, or a walk.. lets spend the night in and watch movies... etc. you get my point.

Something as simple as making her dinner or breakfast here and there is something that counts.
We really do enjoy the small things... We notice them every time you do these things.
So if you thought that night of sex was just because you looked good that day... WRONG... you did something our Dream Man would do.

Compliments are the ABSOLUTE best way to get her to listen to you, or put her in a good mood, if you wake up and see that she's already not having it... NO MATTER WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE give her a compliment ... she takes that with her through the day.

LIES VS TRUTH -CONSEQUENCES

I know that you guys think, if I tell her (this) we're going to fight, I don't feel like fighting etc.

-ALWAYS TELL HER THE TRUTH-

Even if its something so stupid that you wouldn't imagine her being upset with you if you lied -tell the truth-

We hate nothing more than a lie. If you were just with your friends but you feel like " I don't have to tell her everything I do" THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS THROW THAT PRIDE AWAY ... You're in a relationship now there's no such thing as pride anymore no such thing as "I" anymore, you are her equal, if you're not doing anything wrong there's no reason why you can't be open with her. It's okay to tell her you're out with your friends, 9 times out of 10 she's not going to care. BUT if you lie and say your car broke down or some other ridiculous cover (that she doesn't believe anyway) you're going to cause a fight, and not just one but fights the rest of your relationship. Why you ask?

Because if you lie about something so small, our mind tells us... If he lied about something small what's stopping him from lying about something big... and that sticks with us. It's not even about trust so much, it's a protective mechanism that we have, the "fool us once shame on you, fool us twice shame on us" well we refuse to be fooled twice.

Example: If we know something is wrong, just tell us, because we will keep asking, or we will assume its us and then a fight will happen. IT JUST WILL.

We ALWAYS know when you're lying... even though we may seem like we believe you we will ALWAYS know when it's a lie. Don't believe me?? Think back about how she acts anytime something comes up that addresses what she knows you lied about... My guess is her mood changes a bit... that's because she's watching what you say... Because it is true...

WE DO NOT FORGET

and we will ask you that night ... I thought you said... ( your excuse here) well tonight you said ( new excuse)

We are not beneath you, and we will always let you know that. When you lie to us and EXPECT us to believe you, it makes us feel like you think we're stupid enough to believe SUCH A RIDICULOUS EXCUSE.

You may think we're upset about what you have to say to us, but trust that we are grown enough to deal with it and move on, because if you have a good woman that's exactly what will happen.
There may be things we need to know but you think we don't WANT to know... If we ask, just be honest, give us the opportunity to be able to make our own choices with all of the information we need to make an informed decision. You might argue but I guarantee that fight wont last as long as the one you will have if she finds out the truth on her own, or you finally give her the truth wayyy down the line.

If You leave this and only remember one thing always remember this... We are never mad... the emotion that propels us is not anger... You've hurt us... Women deal with anger differently than men and though we may come off upset... we're not... we're HURT and trust me you much rather us be angry than hurt. The arguments that you're having are with yourself until you realize you're fighting the wrong battle... You're in Waterloo and we're over here having the Civil War out... Nobody can fight alone and the sooner you realize that women fight different fights, the sooner arguments will be resolved.

Trust Goes Both Ways... If you want us to trust you, then trust we can handle things.

Guys Night Out

Let's say you're out and its late... she's calling non stop... and now you're mad because she wont stop calling. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER.

When you don't answer what do you think is going through her mind??

WRONG

No our first thought is not that you're cheating... OUR FIRST thought is, I hope he's alright, I hope he didn't get in an accident.
Once we've contacted authorities to make sure your car hasn't been reported anywhere, NOW we're thinking...

"He better have been in an accident because otherwise he's going to WISH that was the case"

Ladies you know we've all said it...

We are nurturers first... we cannot bare the thought of something happening to the man we love. It's the worst feeling imaginable. For us, all we need is if you're going to be longer than maybe what you said you were going to be, AND YOU AREN'T CHEATING ... never text it... always call to say hey, I'm having a good time with the guys, I'm going to stay a little longer. (but you better have at least spent some time with us before this - QUALITY TIME - )

That is all we need to hear. You can have a life outside of us, because believe me we want one too, but you all know we would call to tell you what we're doing and give you updates.

We understand that we're not going to be on your minds all the time, but make us think we are.

It's as simple as Think before you do... Think of her when you're about to do something nice... Think of her when you're about to do something stupid...

We are not as simple as you... not by any means... but if you break it down into a summary,
Trust, Being Thoughtful, and Just because... Those 3 things will get you far... further than you are now my guess is....

To Be Continued
Book coming soon....
-D

Great Expectations

Ladies... I think its time we have a little chat... Men you can LISTEN too, because this is to benefit you.

They say not to give the milk for free if you're trying to sell the cow... however when it comes to promotions ... sometimes a little is a good idea...

NOW GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THERE! That's not what I'm talking about!

I'm talking about a little preview into the world of an unpublished manuscript.
That's right... My books are nowhere near to being completed but I figure why not put some of the thoughts out there for those to read... Show a little and leave them wanting more right?!


Alright ladies here it goes...
In most of my dating life I've always wanted that perfect romance, the man whose everything I've ever dreamed I would have. The man who is attentive, the man who holds chivalry as if its a law but a pleasure, the man who does those special things for you just because he wants to... LADIES I THINK WE ALL KNOW HIM RIGHT?! But yet we cant find him...
He's in our dreams ... THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE HE EXISTS, the sooner you learn that the easier your relationships will be.

As the romantic and emotional creatures that we are, we want what our men to do what we envision our dream man doing and we punish our men for something they aren't even aware of.
I've yet to meet someone who has not been a victim of this, the same as I've yet to meet a woman that's never been guilty of this.

I spent so much time stressing myself out when all I had to do was listen...
THAT'S RIGHT! We yell at them all the time because they "don't listen" but yet.. did we pay attention to anything at all that they've done?
No I don't mean the bad things. Ladies you have to STOP overlooking the things your men do for you instead of only paying attention to what they "haven't" done...

We sit here all day and say I don't need fancy things or elaborate gifts... the little things are what matter, yet when they do things for you it's as if they never made the effort in your eyes.

A good friend of mine ( I hope she is okay with me using her as an example) was at work one day and there was a big day planned right after work. Her boyfriend knew that she would be hungry and as he rushed to get everything ready in time to pick her up from work, he also made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Now I know that most of you would be like... why wouldn't he pick her something up.. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY?!?!
Yeah well, that's where you all make your first mistake.

When she gets in the car he gives her the sandwich and she says "What is this!? I don't want this..."

Ladies... IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT WHAT WE WANT, it's about what he's trying to do. As I watched him make that sandwich for her all I could think of was, wow! He's thinking of her, how sweet! When I saw how that gesture was received, I made sure she knew how that must have made him feel.
See we go through life and just move along, EXPECTING things of people, he should know, "I this, he should know I that" etc.

Some women do not get that kind of treatment... Some women get a nagging boyfriend and expect HER to do these things for him and as we all know, we don't live in the 1950's anymore, women serve more of a role than homemaker now.

She felt horrible after I told her, but that's a GOOD thing because if she hadn't have seen that, then she wouldn't be able to see any of the other little things he would do.

Just because he doesn't do what common sense tells him he should do doesn't make him wrong.
The ONLY thing you should ever EXPECT from your partner is LOVE to love you for who you are and that goes both ways.

If you want something ASK FOR IT. Just because you have known each other for years doesn't mean he "Should just know" because if that's the case then YOU "should just know" that he ISN'T going to know...that he EXPECTS you to tell him what you want.

We want men to do things to show us they care, or to do things because they want to, and we feel as though if we tell them, then they aren't doing it because they want to, but because we told them to. WRONG!
No it doesn't work that way, I am sorry to burst your bubble ladies but we are so good at reading between the lines ... except when it works in a good way. We take their words and turn them into what we think they're saying, or what we want to hear... and in doing ALL of that, we never took the time to listen to what they were actually saying...
Guess what... 9 times out of 10 what they're saying/doing is actually BETTER than what we expected in the first place, if we allow ourselves to see what he's TRYING to do.

So stop STRESSING yourselves out DRAMA QUEENS... just because you aren't fighting doesn't mean something is wrong, just because you didn't get a gift when you asked for it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just because he isn't answering your every command doesn't mean he doesn't care ... it just means you're too wrapped up in your expectations.

The next time you find yourself doing this, take a minute to stop and ask yourself, I wonder what he expects from me, and then ask yourself; Have YOU ever bothered to think about the things he's mentioned that bother him?
MORE IMPORTANTLY have you ever said to YOURSELF he said he didn't like "this" about me, and then changed it for him on the spot? My guess is NO...
Time to stop calling the kettle black and tooting your own horn... You're no better than him if you're not putting yourself on the reverse end and taking a good look at yourself.

It's a 2 way street, we lose good people in our lives because we fail to see past our own expectations.


-D