Monday, February 13, 2012

Proof Of Claim

I was once told, that by being the designated driver for my friends who drink was enabling them...
Had I taken that into consideration, not only could my friends be gone, but so could others... innocent lives...

I don't take anything I do lightly... Which to some people it looks as if I'm too serious, but to those who have taken the time to get to know me, understand that my passion runs deep... They also know what a zest for life I have, that I can make a good thing out of any situation should I choose to. .......

I'm going to stop there... And start by saying that, Ive always been an emotional person, I used to base it on the fact that I'm a Pisces ... which I mean could still be true... But, in some of the most darkest or happiest times, I find that he blesses me with tears so that I can feel his love, whether I need it to remind me, I can call on him or to remind me of the blessings he's given me.

I knew when I started this road, I knew that I would have opposition, I knew that my life would change... Though it may seem difficult at first, though it may seem absurd as to how I will be treated, I understand.

I'm a different kind of "Christian" that you may have found... I'm not judgmental, or at least I try really hard not to be, I don't feel like I'm perfect although I will try to live in his perfect likeness...

I have been told that I've always been different, that because I have seen the good and bad sides of faith that it helps me identify with others... Or maybe its just the fact that while I've always had my faith I know that regardless you can still experience the bad side.... I'm realistic, while I understand that there are guidelines to be followed, I know that I was born a sinner, I know that because I was born a sinner I will die one, the difference is when I leave this earth I will have been forgiven, because I have given my heart over to Jesus, not because I let him in my life, but because I realized it was never my life to make that choice.
I am here because of him, I have a place in Heaven because of him, I know that he died, rose and will rise again because of our flaws as sinners... But what I live by is the fact that by knowing his heart, I know my own.
I know that to sin on purpose cannot be forgiven, because it becomes a recurring circle... If you think he doesn't know your every thought before you think it, what's in your heart, I would hope you would reconsider that thought. Words are only sounds until there is meaning behind them, a prayer, and prayers of forgiveness can be nothing more than wishes, or dreams with no destinations unless there is true meaning behind them.

I have never claimed to be anything other than me, I am human, I have views, and opinions, ones that are not always going to be agreed upon, which is fine by me. I do not expect to be looked at as an idol, as a saint, as godly as any of the things that people place as objects to be worshiped, because God says "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me."
He has sent his children to spread his word, not to be worshiped. I'm fulfilled by his love and just like with any relationship, I like to shout it from the rooftops.

I will always admit my wrongs, I will always admit to my sin, because as I've said before it is my sin to bare, I repeat MY SIN to bare, and not for anyone else to judge me on them. I have tattoos (which is probably my most difficult to get away from) I've lied and I'm ashamed, I lust after men, though I don't act on it, it does not mean that my heart has not felt it; I've had hate in my heart... I've yet to meet a person who hasn't to which by the Bible's standards, you've already created murder [of the heart], look back at your life and your choices and tell me you're without sin. It's okay, I'll wait....

I have only one to answer to, and it isn't anyone of this Earth or this life, he is beyond that. From my interactions with him lately, he still seems to put me where he wants me, so I guess I'm doing just fine...

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There's the line, feel free to throw your stones...

"If God is with me, then who can stand against me..."

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Make Me Proud...

I am no better than the next, but I do have morals, I do have views, and I do have opinions...
But Never have I considered them to be anything MORE THAN THAT.
A friend of mine felt that something I had to say was a judgment to which I highly disagree... But its eye opening to see how some view another's view...

I'm not a feminist, I just believe that I am no less than another, and that women have fought hard to earn our place amongst men in "Their world" .

As a young girl I would hear the stories my Grandma would tell, and it always amazed me to think that not everyone was an equal... I cannot imagine what it would have been like to live in a time where women were not equal, where a wife had no choice but to be submissive to her husband regardless of their actions. It boggles my mind to think that, this way of life is still true in some parts of the world. We won the rights to say whatever and be whoever we want, even if it may not be to everyone's liking.

I've always said I would have loved growing up in the 1950's with the same rights we have now... That was a time where marriage meant something, where values prevailed over privilege. When a woman was respected as not an object but a human being, even if it wasn't in a corporate setting. Now was it always this way, I'm sure it wasn't, but even when it wasn't, this wasn't something that was promoted as a respectable way of life.

I watch television and I see young girls getting pregnant being promoted, I see sex before marriage promoted as a way to pass time and be popular... That degrading yourself sexually is ok...

Yes I was raised with Morals and Values and yes it does upset me when I see young girls feeding into the idea that it's alright to be treated this way, and young men seeing that it's alright to treat them that way.

I have a friend who, while she loves her boyfriend very much, she refuses to move in with him before they're married... I know its an ancient way of thinking, and I have to say that I feel living with someone at least a little while before marriage is a good idea, just so you truly know what you're getting into... You can live with someone and not have sex .. so living that way isn't a huge deal to me, but I love the fact she believes in her values enough to stand up for them. Where did all of these people go??!

It's not alright to talk about money, but its alright to talk about your sexual acts and partners??

I can't imagine the world the way it's becoming, Yes we're free, but free to do what? Call it a judgment, call it an informed opinion, but yes I believe that values and morals should have a place in this society, and its heart breaking that it isn't that way. To think that I must settle for these things as a part of my life... Am I in the wrong to be offended by my husband objectifying other women... Love and Hip hop says if you love your man, you're willing to accept his indiscretions. Am I wrong for telling my children that it is NOT alright to have sex before marriage, that having a child at 16 isn't the ideal lifestyle... When did the right thing become the wrong...

I will never apologize for the values my Grandmother instilled in me, I will never apologize for my faith... And I will never be less than what I know I am.
I deserve to be loved, and I deserve to feel like that love is genuine. I am more than a body and a face... The makeup doesn't make me although I love it... I'm intelligent, I tend to have a sense of humor, I'm eclectic, cultured... Most importantly I'm loving and I care ... I was once told that the one thing this person loved about me was that I cared so much, but in the same sentence was told sometimes they wished I didn't care so much... That's just me... I'm a passionate person, and yes I wear my heart on my sleeve and again I will never live as if that is a negative trait. Love me or hate me, its your choice, but this is me, and at the end of the day, through the life I've lived and everything I've accomplished I'm proud of myself because I deserve to be... I've made it to where I am because of the values I have... And every accomplishment, every let down, every decision I've made, I became what everyone told me was impossible... I did NOT follow in my "Mother's" footsteps like everyone said I would... I can look back and say ... I'm most proud that My Grandparents have someone to be proud of, and that they approve.... There is nothing in this world that solidifies my decisions more than that.