Sunday, November 27, 2011

Conditionally Unconditional

There are 2 sayings / phrases that always stick with us...

" Forgive and Forget " and " Unconditional Love"

We tend to stick to things and take them with us through life and these two sayings always seem to be the ones that we allow to influence us in a way that our lives almost revolve around them.

I have found that we assume our position and force ourselves to live by this without ever truly defining what it means and what the extent of that definition holds...

I am a firm believer in forgiveness, and many think that you must forget if you forgive or that if you kick someone out of your life it means you didn't really forgive?? Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment, and the pain that was brought against you. Just because you forgive doesn't mean that it changes the person who had ill will against you, it means that you have to let go of what pains you, what keeps you up at night... You are the only one harboring that pain, because you were the one who cared enough for it to effect you, they never did and the pain you felt wasn't shared. Why are you going to live with that when they don't? Forgiveness is for your soul, not theirs, do not continue to let them effect you for the rest of your life.

I have long felt that Unconditional Love was mandatory for a working relationship, all to find out that there was one fine line I missed...

Assuming that you would do anything for the one you love or more importantly assuming the one you love should do anything for you is such an undefined way of viewing this...

They never talk about the conditions that come with that, they never talk about the reality of "Unconditional Love"... So let's talk about it...

Many times you have seen me write that Love Trust and Respect is all your loved one owes you and this is where we begin...

As women we may expect a lot and have our "Mr. Perfect" that's hard to get rid of, but this shouldn't confuse anyone or be mistaken for being high maintenance, or wanting to be RIGHT all of the time, or anything other than what it really is... The 3 factors that keep that Love alive.

Choosing to understand your loved one even if you don't always get it, choosing to see the pain in their eyes, the hurt that bleeds through their soul, to sit and hold their hand when they're in desperation...

Put everything else out of your mind and allow your heart to feel for them, you may learn something in the process about yourself. If they mean what you say, show them... Words are only so effective, certain words need actions to show the worth behind them.

Love is an emotion that only the heart truly understands and when the mind only has certain information to go off of, our minds are at the mercy of our hearts.
Something to think about... The Heart can still beat without brain activity, and the mind is still operating far after the heart stops beating.
Every interaction you make is made by a partnership, nothing works alone, nobody and nothing is truly independent in the way we tend to believe.
The Mind needs all facts presented before it in ordered to let the heart make an informed decision. Why is it so difficult for questions to be presented and answers given?

When operating by your heart alone you lose sight of the purpose and the journey along your path... Moving along but never understanding the road traveled. Imagine living with only your mind and without a heart to allow you to feel the things that you're mind is trying to process... Words are said... Something is happening but your mind can't figure out which part needs to direct it or how... Actions with no rhyme or reason, just empty meaningless sounds, movements, and ideas; Where does that lead? Leading a life by only thought process and without the ability to feel is nothing more than a way to escape from life. Having the ability to block out the heart may seem like the way to protect yourself or the way to move past the things that you think hold you back but in actuality what's happening is nothing... Allowing yourself to feel nothing, allowing yourself to achieve nothing, to appreciate nothing... and in the end Lose everything...

By losing your mind, maybe you'll find your heart.


D

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Killing Them Softly...

Please excuse me, I'm in a Random Moment Mode rather than a Random Read Mode ....let me focus...

Becoming an adult takes a lot, it means having responsibilities, relationships, and making decisions and realizing that others are effected in what decisions you make...
Becoming Mature means understanding this.

Everyone thinks that because you become a certain age that emancipates you, that you're an adult... Let me tell you a little something about being an adult...

At 12 years old I was figuring out bills, I no longer had a mother (not that I ever really did) a Father was non existent; I took on the role of a Mother to the person who means the most to me in this world. My grandmother made sure I had a childhood but even with the childhood, I didn't go a second without thinking of her or what she needed, just as any mother would do for her child. Now, this isn't saying anything in regards to the way my Grandmother raised me, only she could have taken my situation and made it what it's become; This is me saying that when you are raised by someone and they are all you have and they are 60 years older than you are, something just happens where the tables switch and a new world of responsibility introduces itself.

I became an adult at 12 years old, and full fledged grown up by 16. Now I may not feel my age but I think it's because I've been an adult for over 16 years now and this is nothing new...
I had been hurt and turned away by so many people in that time that it was like what else could I do but ignore it. I was letting it effect me to the point that it started to consume me until one day I realized that the rage was going to take me to a place that was unfamiliar, and I do not do well with unfamiliar...

Every person whom has ever entered my life unlawfully made it a point that I knew they were there, except for the fact that they never had any explanation as to why... They felt they could just mooch off of my life and I don't know, Live vicariously through me and while they realized what I had and the way I lived was not up to what they pictured for themselves, they did what people only in their positions know how to do... HATE... Defile... Create Situations to feel better about them selves... or the way I like to say it is... THROW A PITY PARTY, invitation for 1 and whomever else they can drag with them.

In my mind I had begun to fall into the trap without even realizing it until I realized I was becoming sick, emotionally drained and I stopped ... I stopped just long enough to say... Nothing.

It was time to starve their attention, time to let them feel the way they kept trying to make me feel, the only way to do it was to beat them to the punch. I took control of myself, made MYSELF realize they were the ones with the issue, it wasn't me...Anything they had to say about me at my worst was still more than what they were doing at their best... So why am I the one that's being effected?? I no longer was...

I learned if you're not with me you're against me and being against me is not worth the time or energy to show you the benefits of being with me... Because clearly you already know them and are intimidated by them so that's obviously not going to work for the situation.

Rage is not your friend, I'm not sure how many understand that but it starts with hate and grows with jealousy ... Which ends up getting you nowhere. I grew up and have 12 years of understanding under my belt, while it's always a learning process, I know enough to take what comes and attempt to understand the situations. The people against you only take you to the place they dwell, which is downhill from where you've been, and already come so far from...



D

Thursday, November 10, 2011