Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Trivial Pursuit of A Chivalrous Heart

I recently spent some time reflecting on different things, life in general and how people treat each other... I don't really know how to describe this but disappointment might be the right word...

I'm not sure if this is because I was raised by my grandmother and maybe I have a core that is based around ideas from the 1920's to 1950's where people were treated differently, but the separation between courtesy and disregard is just beyond my thought capacity.
Having an old soul in a new age world can definitely be difficult but it can also be refreshing...

I have always ... ALWAYS, thought that Love should always come first and with that Love comes trust respect and admiration, what happened to that? What happened to the Men who not only opened doors for women but opened their hearts and lives to them as well??

I always hear well she emasculates me, or they want to be independent they can take care of themselves, or she didn't do what I needed.

First thing is first.... As a Strong VERY Independent woman, there is nothing I want more in my life than a man who can handle that and who can appreciate my strength. I've grown with a strong mentality because at a young age it was just me, and though I may have had my Grandmother, I was always afraid one day it would just be me... So I taught myself to be self sufficient which some may dub as controlling, I call it survival. I am not a feminist, I don't prefer life without men, A man saved me, I would be nowhere without him; I realize that sometimes it may be hard to see that, but its even more difficult for me to clarify it in the moment.

When it comes to Nurture vs. Nature, I will always side with Nurture because you see, coming from what I did, if it was about Nature then my life would be totally different, I would be prone to drug abuse, bad decisions and poor judgment, except for the fact that My Grandmother raised me to be nothing but the opposite, to not just know my right from wrongs but to live by them. As I lived my life around what I was taught I learned that taking care of yourself was not a bad thing, being a strong willed person was not only ok but SMART.

I know that at times a strong willed woman mixed with an Alpha Male can sometimes clash and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you know the medium to meet at.

Try to learn her story, actions are not always as they appear and neither are facades.

Ladies... Yes we are in a new era and we may see our selves superior in certain situations but know the situation you're in and think before acting... A man will still awlays want to feel like he's the provider and being submissive to you is not exactly something that brightens their day. With that said... Men, Do not ever feel like she can't help you, or that if she does it makes you any less than what you feel you should be. A partnership is between TWO people which means that if one is down the other steps in to pull it together.

Everyone thinks that relationships are so hard when really it's jut how individuals decide to approach a situation that does not involve individuals but a team. You each provide something in the relationship, whether it being a friend to one another, it be financially or just simply an emotional stability, you're each others' partner for life, you're meant to learn and draw from each other so paint the picture.

~ D

Friday, June 24, 2011

Beautifully Bold

Today I want to take this time to point something out...

It's something that said everyday in the sense that "this is how you should be" when it comes to being politically correct, but in reality; People need to stop being so wrapped up in what others think of them ... However as I know as most of us do, sometimes that's a lot easier said than done...

A friend of mine who is absolutely in love with makeup, so much that she decided to become a freelance artist for so many reasons, but mainly the beauty in the art of it. I myself am just a fan of painting my face! Well she introduced me to this absolutely amazing woman and the fact that I myself wasn't aware of who she was really made me feel like I had been completely lost in the world of makeup...

When you meet a person with such a sweet and pure heart, they produce a lot of the same people around them, a lot like barers of good fruit; My friend (Zarah) had contacted me one night and asked a favor from me, which of course I had no problem with, and at this moment I was introduced to The Beautiful Kandee Johnson.

Kandee had basically been attacked by accusations against her and her skills and qualifications... Once I heard what was going on, I was infuriated because as a HUMAN BEING and a caring person to hear what she had been told and what she was going through I was truly outraged. I gave her some advice and to this day am so honored that simple little me could be there for not only such a good person but this amazing talent ...

When you become successful, with that comes a lot of things that when you're striving for such success, we don't really get as far as to prepare for the extra or the bad and the ugly so to speak.
This woman is such an amazing talent and for those of you in the makeup world you already know not only who she is but how amazing her talent is.

With this year's IMATS (International Makeup Artist's Trade Show) approaching in Los Angeles, which I am really upset I am not attending...Kandee will be speaking on Sunday so for all of you whom are there CONGRATULATIONS because a woman who Billy B admires will be giving you all some knowledge as you leave IMATS. In case you are not aware of whom Billy B is, well I'm sure if you've watched or seen any spreads of Lady GaGa you might have an inkling as he is the makeup artist who has created her most fierce looks. I know I know, if you know me I am not a fan of hers for my own personal reasons but that doesn't mean I can't admire his absolute amazing work. Anyway, back to my point...

On the eve of IMATS I was wallowing in my self pity because I'm missing such an amazing opportunity, I decided to watch Kandee's youtube tutorials

(which can bee seen here)

I came across this video...

As you can see it's lengthy but it was definitely worth the watch for sure...

As I was watching I started thinking to myself... Not only does she have so much courage but then I thought... It makes me sick that she feels that she needs to make one like this...

People can be so heartless, and cruel... I myself have created a very rough exterior because of a life I've lead and what I've gone through, not to mention some of the people I allowed to be in my life because I used to be so trusting. There was a period in my life where I was well "known" by certain groups and while I thought I had many friends, quickly as things that I had been a part of my whole life had become more popular, so did the people who thought there wasn't enough room for anyone but them, which led to a lot of drama and negativity.

I chose to take the higher road because it was going to be the only way to keep myself sane, and with my temper passion and pride that was NOT easy to do. I started to "go on record" about things said about me and make it known that the people who were against me had nothing better to do than create a life for them self based off of me... What a life right??? I can't even imagine.

I finally realized it didn't matter what I said because those who were already consumed by their own thoughts were lost in them and it was a lost cause. In stead I continued to do what I do, pick myself up and continue to succeed at being me. I learned quickly that by feeding the animals they continue to come back so I decided to let them starve.

Though I would like World Peace, that just isn't a world that we live in, but what we can do is worry about ourselves because at the end of the day we are the only ones we can control.

I would hope that everyone will do them selves a huge favor and get to know Kandee as she is beyond a makeup artist but a gorgeous soul. If you will be at IMATS please stop and listen to her story and techniques you will not be disappointed, I use her tricks every day and try to keep her happy spirit with me through out my day as well.


You can find Kandee at...

Her Personal Blog



Friday, June 10, 2011

Chemical Polarity

Let's talk about something that many people don't.

The last couple days I've had some really tough moments, moments that came out of nowhere, like... they just happen to appear in the middle of a conversation, and end up taking over that conversation. Sounds frustrating right?

As a young girl when we moved from Sacramento to Madera, CA, I always had this home sick feeling... so much that it stuck with me all through my teenage years and young adult hood...
I must have really loved my home right?? Well yes I did ... but, apparently it was beyond that.

A few years back,After I had moved back to Sacramento, I went to the doctor to find out why my migraines and chest pains had been progressing, and she kept trying to give me pills, she wasn't interested in finding out where it was coming from, and me, I thought ... great another doctor who just wants to shove pills down my throat. She then started asking what I thought was bringing them on, did I have a lot of stress in my life... as I answered yes, and she started prescribing Zoloft and Prozac, I thought to myself... No no no no... I'll handle my stress by dealing with it... I am not a fan of medication by any means.

I could not understand why this EDUCATED person with a PHD MD credentials could not see that I was clearly there for a head ache and chest pain... And then...

Six months had passed and I started feeling "home sick " again... Those who know me will tell you that there is nothing (besides my grandmother and some friends) that I miss about Madera.. I thought back to what the doctor had told me and why she prescribed them, because at the time I was obviously not trying to hear her... Once I took in that moment the rest of my life changed.

For those whom are not educated on this subject I will label it as Bipolar disorder but Actually categorized as Manic Depression Disorder.

I finally realized that this was something that I had been facing for 11 years of my life when I was standing in front of the refrigerator ( I had just bought a ton of groceries) and could not find anything to eat or make for dinner, then right after that I heard people talking which started to sound like yelling, I became so overwhelmed that I stood in front of the refrigerator and started crying... Could not tell you why or how it happened other than a major rush of frustration that I just couldn't handle or explain.

There is no way to explain that feeling ... other than the home sick feeling I had felt for so many years at random moments... were manic episodes, extreme anxiety.
The only explanation I have for the cause is, the fact that either my "mother" was still consuming narcotics while pregnant or my environment she brought around me...maybe a combination of both...

Most people cannot understand why I do not take medication and this is why... The history I have had, though not by my own consumption has effected my life and I choose to take the alternative route... For those who have been told it can't be done ... well I'm not going to say they lied, but what I am saying is that all I needed to do was realize the problem, once I realized the problem I figured out how to control it and not let it consume me.

Disclaimer moment- Obviously I am not an M.D. So this is just me simply letting you know what has worked for me, because I chose not to use medication.

No I do not smoke marijuana, and so you know... often times Marijuana can't even stop or slow the episode.

When I know the feeling is coming, I will try to drink a cup of warm decaffeinated chamomile tea, take a nice warm bath with dim lighting, listen to some light music, or nature sounds... Anything to bring my blood pressure down, because if my blood pressure is down so is the urge to give into the frustrations. I don't really recommend reading, because for most of us who have this tend to be "dreamers" or creative imaginists and reading into a story can actually make that urge stronger because our mind is now wrapped up in a new conundrum.

Often times if the anxiety is just beyond this, I will force myself to sleep. I will eat some fish or take some fish oil and something with peppermint to keep the migraine from becoming too much to deal with ... and then just sleep it off. For ME, if I can catch the episode before it begins I have often been able to avoid it.

For those who have loved ones with this, there are no words that we will ever say that will truly apologize for what we put you through. I can only hope that you can understand after reading this that, it is not something we control... We do not have any excuse for ways we treat you in an episode, but I would hope that you can understand that it is never our intention to bring you with us through it, but you have no idea how we appreciate seeing you when we come out of it.

A good thing to do is to have a code word for those involved, so that everyone is aware that an episode may be coming on. Most people who do take the medication can still have an episode here and there, its rare because the medication does work exceptionally... but nothing is perfect. In the event that should happen, having the code word can often times prevent any hurt feelings.

When feeling the episode its best to say the code word and then talk about what you want that person to do, like.. Hold me, leave me alone, let me sleep, I want to just be quiet... etc. As the friend or caretaker or family member, checking in is good but do not be a pest either... quietly checking in every 20 - 30 minutes is good timing. We will always come back to reality and let you know we're sorry ...

This is not something that many have to deal with, but this is a condition that effects everyone not just the person who it inhabits.

Don't be afraid of this, Don't be ashamed of it... Once it's been accepted it can be conquered.

- D -

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Tunnel Vision

I'm going to try to write this without it sounding cheesie or like a cliche.
So many women struggle with the the decision of "Should I go after the best there is?" or "I'm afraid I won't find him and I'm getting older, should I just settle?" Going back and forth between these decisions drives us insane and doesn't allow you to listen to YOURSELF.

You have to find that medium... what is in the middle?

I have gone through my life with the same check list that everyone has, but I also learned that settling isn't always the worst thing ... but, with that said it isn't always the best either.

I've gone through so many emotions through my journey of the Love tunnel, that a Novel could not begin to shed light on what I've learned, but with this I will say I have learned the most important lesson and that is, Happiness...

I decided to do better, I decided to not stay quiet and hide behind what we feel is safe.
I for once decided to let myself feel what was in my heart and allow my heart to see what it had been blinded by. I decided to start over....

My check list has dwindled as I've grown older, which is because from each experience I checked off the boxes and made a new list, and now that list will end at this...

He looks at me with love in his eyes
He doesnt talk to me like it's an obligation
He;s respectful enough to treat me as an equal
It 's never a competition, unless its all in fun
When the tough gets going, he doesn't run with it
He's not selfish, but considerate ...
He's not afraid of what I can give
Most Importantly He's in it to win it.

Fortunately I had to learn these things in order to put me where my heart belongs.
Do I have all of these things now? No... I don't so does that mean I bail, or that I settle? No, it means that the ones in your life who are planning to stay in it, start listening up and get with the program.

Remember that happy medium I was talking about? Well here it is...
There will be days where nothing is right, and there will be days where nothing is wrong... but life is just that... life, its not perfect, but imperfections make us who we are. Learning to accept another person is difficult when different ideas clash but you can't let that effect and interfere with the vision you have of each other, because besides the little ridiculous things you bicker about, the person you fell in love with is still in there.

If you're like me, which I hope you're not... I tend to get very anxious, major anxiety at times, so regular situations are magnified ... so I will take my own time to literally clear my head and breathe and remind myself of that person, I don't just mean my partner, I mean myself... Because it is not ALWAYS their fault... I ask myself," Am I doing the same that I ask of him?" And when the answer is no, I remember why I fell in love to begin with.

People don't often take the time to ACTUALLY think about the situation, they get on the defensive and then from that point on its just down hill.

Start by remembering what made you fall in love first, then think about how you could have handled the situation...and fix it.

Don't let the situations/fights/hard times become your relationship...

Don't be afraid to KNOW what you want, and don't be afraid to fight for it.

Obviously this is from a Female perspective but ...Men...
Please take this in as well...

Be her biggest fan, respect her and always be her friend, Because when a man lets her down, there's nobody she needs more than her best friend.