Sunday, November 27, 2011

Conditionally Unconditional

There are 2 sayings / phrases that always stick with us...

" Forgive and Forget " and " Unconditional Love"

We tend to stick to things and take them with us through life and these two sayings always seem to be the ones that we allow to influence us in a way that our lives almost revolve around them.

I have found that we assume our position and force ourselves to live by this without ever truly defining what it means and what the extent of that definition holds...

I am a firm believer in forgiveness, and many think that you must forget if you forgive or that if you kick someone out of your life it means you didn't really forgive?? Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment, and the pain that was brought against you. Just because you forgive doesn't mean that it changes the person who had ill will against you, it means that you have to let go of what pains you, what keeps you up at night... You are the only one harboring that pain, because you were the one who cared enough for it to effect you, they never did and the pain you felt wasn't shared. Why are you going to live with that when they don't? Forgiveness is for your soul, not theirs, do not continue to let them effect you for the rest of your life.

I have long felt that Unconditional Love was mandatory for a working relationship, all to find out that there was one fine line I missed...

Assuming that you would do anything for the one you love or more importantly assuming the one you love should do anything for you is such an undefined way of viewing this...

They never talk about the conditions that come with that, they never talk about the reality of "Unconditional Love"... So let's talk about it...

Many times you have seen me write that Love Trust and Respect is all your loved one owes you and this is where we begin...

As women we may expect a lot and have our "Mr. Perfect" that's hard to get rid of, but this shouldn't confuse anyone or be mistaken for being high maintenance, or wanting to be RIGHT all of the time, or anything other than what it really is... The 3 factors that keep that Love alive.

Choosing to understand your loved one even if you don't always get it, choosing to see the pain in their eyes, the hurt that bleeds through their soul, to sit and hold their hand when they're in desperation...

Put everything else out of your mind and allow your heart to feel for them, you may learn something in the process about yourself. If they mean what you say, show them... Words are only so effective, certain words need actions to show the worth behind them.

Love is an emotion that only the heart truly understands and when the mind only has certain information to go off of, our minds are at the mercy of our hearts.
Something to think about... The Heart can still beat without brain activity, and the mind is still operating far after the heart stops beating.
Every interaction you make is made by a partnership, nothing works alone, nobody and nothing is truly independent in the way we tend to believe.
The Mind needs all facts presented before it in ordered to let the heart make an informed decision. Why is it so difficult for questions to be presented and answers given?

When operating by your heart alone you lose sight of the purpose and the journey along your path... Moving along but never understanding the road traveled. Imagine living with only your mind and without a heart to allow you to feel the things that you're mind is trying to process... Words are said... Something is happening but your mind can't figure out which part needs to direct it or how... Actions with no rhyme or reason, just empty meaningless sounds, movements, and ideas; Where does that lead? Leading a life by only thought process and without the ability to feel is nothing more than a way to escape from life. Having the ability to block out the heart may seem like the way to protect yourself or the way to move past the things that you think hold you back but in actuality what's happening is nothing... Allowing yourself to feel nothing, allowing yourself to achieve nothing, to appreciate nothing... and in the end Lose everything...

By losing your mind, maybe you'll find your heart.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Killing Them Softly...

Please excuse me, I'm in a Random Moment Mode rather than a Random Read Mode ....let me focus...

Becoming an adult takes a lot, it means having responsibilities, relationships, and making decisions and realizing that others are effected in what decisions you make...
Becoming Mature means understanding this.

Everyone thinks that because you become a certain age that emancipates you, that you're an adult... Let me tell you a little something about being an adult...

At 12 years old I was figuring out bills, I no longer had a mother (not that I ever really did) a Father was non existent; I took on the role of a Mother to the person who means the most to me in this world. My grandmother made sure I had a childhood but even with the childhood, I didn't go a second without thinking of her or what she needed, just as any mother would do for her child. Now, this isn't saying anything in regards to the way my Grandmother raised me, only she could have taken my situation and made it what it's become; This is me saying that when you are raised by someone and they are all you have and they are 60 years older than you are, something just happens where the tables switch and a new world of responsibility introduces itself.

I became an adult at 12 years old, and full fledged grown up by 16. Now I may not feel my age but I think it's because I've been an adult for over 16 years now and this is nothing new...
I had been hurt and turned away by so many people in that time that it was like what else could I do but ignore it. I was letting it effect me to the point that it started to consume me until one day I realized that the rage was going to take me to a place that was unfamiliar, and I do not do well with unfamiliar...

Every person whom has ever entered my life unlawfully made it a point that I knew they were there, except for the fact that they never had any explanation as to why... They felt they could just mooch off of my life and I don't know, Live vicariously through me and while they realized what I had and the way I lived was not up to what they pictured for themselves, they did what people only in their positions know how to do... HATE... Defile... Create Situations to feel better about them selves... or the way I like to say it is... THROW A PITY PARTY, invitation for 1 and whomever else they can drag with them.

In my mind I had begun to fall into the trap without even realizing it until I realized I was becoming sick, emotionally drained and I stopped ... I stopped just long enough to say... Nothing.

It was time to starve their attention, time to let them feel the way they kept trying to make me feel, the only way to do it was to beat them to the punch. I took control of myself, made MYSELF realize they were the ones with the issue, it wasn't me...Anything they had to say about me at my worst was still more than what they were doing at their best... So why am I the one that's being effected?? I no longer was...

I learned if you're not with me you're against me and being against me is not worth the time or energy to show you the benefits of being with me... Because clearly you already know them and are intimidated by them so that's obviously not going to work for the situation.

Rage is not your friend, I'm not sure how many understand that but it starts with hate and grows with jealousy ... Which ends up getting you nowhere. I grew up and have 12 years of understanding under my belt, while it's always a learning process, I know enough to take what comes and attempt to understand the situations. The people against you only take you to the place they dwell, which is downhill from where you've been, and already come so far from...


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hearts Held Tight

Once again I've found myself outside of my comfort zone, but rather than avoiding it the time has come to finally just confront it.

I've been very quiet for the most part about my personal life simply because though I may not be a celebrity, we all have those people who try to invade your life as if you are one, and I'm not one to feed anyone, and for some odd years without even knowing it I was like a soup kitchen to those who refused to take my silence and starve.

At this point it doesn't make a difference anymore because this is MY life and the way I choose to handle it empowers me and nobody else.

I have spent the last 9 years of my life with a man who has changed my life in ways I would never have imagined... The man I knew is not the person I know now... Unfortunately.
I've always devoted my life to the people I love, to the extent that if I gave the very last piece of me I'd find a way to make more just so that I was able to give whatever was needed but in the end even then it wasn't enough. The thing we tend to forget is that no matter what your all is, it will never be enough to feed the greed.

Trying to explain yourself over and over again, trying to understand why someone would be so heartless towards someone who gave their all and then some ... At some point you have to stop asking why...

Nightmares night after night... they've turned into different realities, always trying to interpret one dream for a situation in your life, the lines become blurred and just all become one in the same. A man who told you nobody could have his heart because you already have it... Come to find out apparently just like a cat has 9 lives so he has hearts...
Problem being that when he started handing them out he forgot to keep a piece for himself.

Maybe that isn't the fairest of things to say, because by saying that meant he cared enough about someone to provide that, and a passing opportunity isn't exactly worth his heart let alone a piece of it, so let this be a lesson to the ones who get ran over in his path. It's heart wrenching to find out that you were nothing more than a 9 year marathon and that you were the path and not the participant.

I take away nothing more than a lesson learned, no regrets, because as I said he has changed my life and believe it or not for the better.... Because of him I learned to value the life I've lived because it pushed me above that... Everything I've endured in my life made me strong enough today to assess the situation and handle it.

If there is anything I would hope a man would take from this is, it would be to please do not ignore her. If you value her at all don't give her empty promises, or empty words. Even if you know its not what you think she wants to hear... BE HONEST WITH HER no matter what it is, allow her the respect to make choices for herself. When she gives her all be thankful, not disrespectful, she is not just someone who SHOULD be there, she chooses to be there because of her love for you, because no matter your actions or attitude she feels that her love alone should be enough and its the only thing that matters..

I want to be very clear on this... this is MY life ... once again MY life and it is from my point of view... It's been difficult to be able to be there for others and offer them tips on how to keep their relationships in tact all the while they work for everyone else it seems I'm the 1% that it wasn't meant for.
The girl next door, the strong and assertive, the passive, the caring, the girl who can handle herself in any male setting while still able to be the woman he needs her to be.... understanding, loving... apparently something was still missing in there, whatever it was it clearly was beyond me.

Through the ups and downs he will have forever have changed my life, nothing can take that away from him... Probably the Love of my life... however the love of my life was filled with excuse after excuse and though he will probably be angry and upset once he reads it, it will only be because he pushed it off for so long and refused to see it before the rest of the world...

I finally bid you a bittersweet farewell ... The incessant lack of respect was too much to handle, it was more than my heart could cover for any longer... So here I sit with a different lease on life, will I love again? Not like this I'm sure... Will he? maybe but in the back of his mind he'll always know that the comparison will never be the same... It's hard to compare Love with anything else.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Offensive Line

I am at the moment filled with the words that need to be said but without the way to lay them down...
I'm never at a loss for words but recently, I don't know, I've been at a loss of... rationalizations.

We get hit and knocked down and it's tough to get back up, even for the strongest of people, it's a funny thing about love, it may just be one of the most dangerous drugs there is...

I've learned so much in the last 12 years, see I, as I've said before, I love hard, I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe in Love and so in that I've loved and lost, and hurt in some of the worst ways possible... But still I am here.

We rely a lot on what others feel, or think, to the point that we let that stop us from relying on our own intuition, or our own common sense, and feelings.

There are many reasons that relationships don't work, many to me that are just excuses to be very honest, but some ... that are just misunderstood.

Heartache is an emotion that was given to us just like Love, unfortunately, you take one you get the other... Now it may not be major heartache and some may say that yours is nothing compared to theirs which will probably be true.. but you will always have both at least to some capacity. This is not something to be worried about, because if you are like me... It takes a lot to be forgiving, but when you love someone, you love them whole heart and soul and that's all it takes to forgive. I spend my day looking back on the happiness that led me to where I am, and though I may not be in the brightest place at the moment, the road that led me there was radiant.

You have to weigh the good and the bad, for me short of something catastrophic, the good always outweighs the bad. The pain will subside...

I do my best to give the best advice I can, but the best advice I think I've ever given is "take only your own advice, because at the end of the day only you know your situation" Yes its great to have feedback from others but at the end of the day its your life and nobody can live it for you.

Let me give you this one piece of advice, if you take anything with you from this post; Let yourself love, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, outsiders, friends, family or even the other person you're in the relationship with... Let yourself love its okay to do that!

I stopped writing here last night, I needed to really reflect on what I was trying to say with the intent I originally envisioned.

Remember to love yourself before you try to love anyone else, because 9 times out of 10 its more than likely lust; Once you love yourself there are no questions after that. If you do not know how to love yourself how do you know if you're loving the other?
Settle for nothing other than what you want in life, if that means that the love you share with someone isn't exactly understandable to anyone else.... guess what... GOOD NEWS! ITS NOT THEIR LIFE!

I can say that without a doubt, what makes me happy is the man in my life, things will never be perfect, but he keeps me centered, probably without even knowing it. Yes, I complain about this that and the other, but if you know me, I COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING, because I'm usually bored, rest assured that with every complaint I know that there is nobody else worth it to me. My happiest moments in life are with him or because of him and any day of the week I know that's worth more than first place and gold. Will he understand that? Will anyone else? No, I doubt it, because this is me, my feelings and how I live, I live for me. What matters is, you understanding that, and enough to make that your focus, allowing yourself to feel all that comes with it and grow.

We don't always get our prince charming, or the Love we try to keep, and there might come a time when you have to sit back and say... I've given my all, and at least I know that I tried and at the end it just wasn't right....

Should this time come for you, you have to remember that it truly is not the end of the world. Would it kill me to lose my life? Yes... I've spent every day eating, sleeping, breathing this love.. so yes it would be as if the wind was knocked out of me, but I will breathe again...
Love is in you, not someone else... Allow yourself to love and someone will gravitate towards it, I promise. Take the time to get back to you, to remember who you are outside of someone else, whether you're with someone, or not... take that time, and the Love will find you again...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

A Legacy To Commit To

I went into this game ready for a win, with the hopes that we were going to ride these emotions not just today but all the way to a Super Bowl win. Through the first two quarters I couldn’t understand where the emotions were, it was as if they had tucked them away and it was business as usual, but then I realized, the sorrow was showing, they mourned and the 2nd half they fought!

Two years ago, I could not fathom the idea of not only keeping Huff, but giving him the contact we did.. He had done nothing to prove he deserved to be here in my eyes… He came out the following year and made sure he at least showed why he wanted to be here…
Through all of the interviews yesterday, each and every person said they didn’t know how, Al made choices and only he knew why, but he was always right…
Huff today proved exactly that today. Even if Huff does nothing else in his career, he was meant to be here today, for this game alone, for that pick alone, for that win to make sure to secure that win.

I was never able to feel an actual Superbowl win, I’ve experienced the presence but never the win… Today I can say I have, though it may not be the game that presents a ring, It gave me something I’ve wanted for so long. I am all about a moral victory, and many of you think that morals isn’t something that would be in the same sentence as the Raiders, but this is where I correct you… Al cared about this team, HIS WHOLE HEART WAS THIS GAME AND THIS TEAM to have seen what we did today would have given him the same feeling I believe, at the very least the faith in knowing we’re going all the way!

Mark Davis will never be his father, but seeing him in his seat and the emotion in his face gave me some hope in the fact that he is motivated to continue to win, continue to be Committed to Excellence.
With the likes of possibly John Madden, and others being considered to help scout and run player operations hopefully (Tim Brown, Fred Biletnikoff) and Mark and Amy working together on the business end, there should be no reason we don’t take Al’s dream and go all the way…

I saw a post from a friend that said… “Everyone said the Raiders wouldn’t do anything as long as Al was alive… If that’s the case you should all be scared now” I could not have said it better myself. The man left his mark, and now we will take that and thrive in it!

I can’t think of anyone who exemplified excellence more than Al and we are more committed than ever to it.

A win is a win, it does not have to be pretty… JUST WIN BABY!


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Love on Top

Today I witnessed a man in what looked to be an over sized dirty worn out jacket it looked as if it had been run over by ten trucks, pants that barely covered his ankles. I sat in my car watching as he dug through the trash, and he looked as if he was frustrated finding small plastic bottles but very few. I meant to get out of the car to give him some change but when I looked back up he was gone...

I walked out of the restaurant I was in about 15 minutes later and did not see him. I am usually the person that says, the guy with the sign probably makes a living off of this as a con, or they just want it for drugs or beer...
I felt something this time, I asked the Lord, if he is truly in need, Lord show me him again...
I didnt see him... I was on my way and a ways down the street I happened to look to my left and I saw him walking ... He was walking without his bag, I made a quick turn and drove up next to him... "Excuse me sir, I'm not sure of the proper way to do this, he slowly walked up to my window, I stretched my hand out and gave him a $10.00 bill...

I have been in the midst of turmoil without even realizing it, I was losing myself and couldn't understand what was going wrong, what had I done?? I was asking the wrong questions.

When the day had turned into night, it was as if I hadn't realized ... There hadn't been any light as of late, conversations were just that and nothing more, falling into what was a bottomless pit it felt as if I had already hit the end though it continued. Not able to grasp at anything not even the truth, I found the light.

I had seen the darkness before, but only in dreams... I was starting to see it all around me now, though I hadn't seen it this way before I knew immediately what it was. I was being attacked from within, like a microwave it was cooking my heart to the point it was going to explode, or maybe it had, but I saw the love that was around me and it mended.

You can love many people, although people break your heart, its not impossible to fix. We were meant to love, God is Love, to know him is to love him, I had forgot that somewhere along my way. I was on a journey and just like that! I had lost my way. So focused on the things I felt I loved most, I was being distracted and led into my own demise. We have to remember to love Him first and ourselves next, only through him can we know true love.

What better way to know his love that to not only feel it... but to see it?
I had felt an overwhelming feeling, so much I was about to explode with love ... and then...

He smiled at me, as his callused hand touched mine... he smiled...


Monday, October 3, 2011

Fresh Out The Box!

Hey Everyone!

I just wanted to post it up to let you know that I have a YOUTUBE CHANNEL! Sometimes writing or reading doesn't always get the point across so I decided why not start a channel!

You will see in the introduction video that I mention I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I wanted to give you some insight on why I am the way I am and why this is called Random Reads...
I hope you enjoy D's Random Moments... Make sure to tell your friends and Subscribe! MAHALO!


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Like You Mean It...

To ask the question where to begin is like asking the ultimate question; What is the meaning of life...?

As I let these words cross your path I only ask that you take it all in and let it do it's job, clear your mind and only let the words move your thoughts.

To all of the women who have had a bad day, to the women who had one of the worst days of your life... Please listen and understand...
You are loved and you are more than what the situation made you feel. Don't allow outside influences or anger cloud your judgement; Pain can appear in many different ways just so that it sits int the pit of your heart in order to force the love beneath the service so that you're not able to reach for it. We are emotional creatures and just want to love and share it with someone, our efforts are often times taken in ways that are unwanted or unwarranted.

I would hope those who are on the receiving end of the loving efforts would understand her, know that when she picks up random conversation with you that she is trying to tell you that all that happened before is no more, so that she doesn't dwell on the issue but to try in the same manner you preach to let it roll off the back. Opening your mind to her, to the thought that someone DOES ACTUALLY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU might turn your life into what you envisioned it once upon a time, or maybe even turn it into something better than you imagined...

Your words and actions have powers, the power to control her feelings and emotions, the power to turn a gesture into accusations, and the power to turn hope into pain.... It's a funny thing about power, though it may feel invisible, the abuse of it paints a horrific picture...


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Volumes Unheard

To move as one but to settle as two was an occurrence that screams volumes.

Where does that fine line disappear? At what point does the fight become "just a game"?
We go through our lives with so many ups and downs, as a woman we try to find the positives in situations, Or I know I do anyway... It's as if at some point it becomes misconstrued and invisible.
I have gone through every thought my mind can put forth, evaluate every aspect of a sentence or situation and still I come up empty, without vengeance, without heart, without fear.

A calm before the storm, it was warm, and reminiscent of an early fall, deceiving. I kissed the life it gave and blessed it while I felt it slip away. I realized although late, to look through to the other side of the mirror, to see a glimpse of what the inner layers kept hidden. Had I been oblivious? No, I chose to give it a fighting chance, turns out the chance has its own way of working.

I start again, moving mountains with new peaks to climb, exploring what seems to be the terrain of the plains, there are in fact no peaks at all. Nothing to soar from, just an old beaten path that looks more familiar than the one that led me here. Is there a fork in the road? Can I take a guide? It looks as though this is a journey I'm destined to travel alone, to ride out the storm or sail away.
I don't ask for much, yet lately it seems as if I'm asking for the world, not the world I would envision but maybe one of another.

I can't make sense of what it once was, or what I thought it would be; I'm lost in the reality that has shown itself to me. I've had this dance before, but where would I be had I not experienced it a time or two? I've slipped and fallen

Friday, August 26, 2011

For The Love of Hip Hop

Today I strolled by a website a friend had told me about, and as I was skimming through the blog posts and found one regarding Lil' Wayne's new song from The Carter IV titled, "It's Good" ...

I heard this song what I'm assuming is the night it was released after I had seen a link for it on facebook, and as soon as I heard, " Talkin 'bout baby money? I got your baby money, Kidnap your ****, get that how much you love your lady money" I knew that this was in response to Jay-Z's Verse from H.A.M off of Watch the Throne.

Let me tell you first thing is first, its one thing to go head to head, but to bring Beyonce into something that she has no business in other than Jay being her husband is like going to the point where you start talking about someones kids... Way to take a cowards way out Wayne... Bring up B, you're messing with the King love, the money in her pocket possess more power than that fools gold you have stuck to those gums.

I apologize my topic is wondering, People reference Beyonce in a violent way I get a bit protective... Anyway...

So as I was reading this blog post and it stated, that in order for Jay-Z to keep his throne he MUST respond to this or relinquish it, also that he needs to because Hip Hop needs it.

I also read some comments mentioning album sales and YouTube views and how this mattered in Jay-z vs. Lil Wayne.

My opinion is that first and foremost for the two of them to be mentioned in the same sentence as if they were even on the same level is ridiculous. When speaking about hip hop you must know that there IS A DIFFERENCE between Hip Hop and rap. Hip Hop is the art and rap is the profit.
Study the history that surrounds Hip Hop and then study the history of rap, its quite another tale.

To be a Hip Hop artist you must have the knowledge, the struggle, the life. It's one thing to create it, its quite another to have been dealt it. Hip Hop the art is about the lyrics and rap is what the music industry uses to make its money off of Hip Hop.

What Hip Hop needs is for the content of the music to be substantial, the way it was intended, to tell a story and not to be a sell out to what forces it to conform.

The shots between Jay-Z and Lil Wayne were mild, like competitive digs, which is all great and fun but eventually these battles become violent wars. Jay-Z is one of my favorite Hip Hop artists of all time, in the same category with Eminem, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, The Get Fresh Crew, and my soon to be absolute favorite of all time Drake. I would hate to think of losing someone with so much talent to some petty spoiled brat drama. To me the way I see it is these two will be something in their own rights... Jay-z is a Mogul he has made a name for himself outside of the Music world, he has his eye set on something and that's what he's going to do, he's accomplished his music dreams and its on to where his success leads him which seems to have no limit. Lil Wayne will go on to ride the benefits of signing Drake and Nicki Minaj and the temporary success that Young Money will generate until its time to move on to something else.
As Beyonce was recently quoted, "Drive, God given talent is what separates you from everyone else, there's no desire for anyone else's throne."

Hip Hop doesnt need a bunch of egos overtaking the common sense God bestowed on all of us and bringing simple lyrics that can be taken in stride and turn it into violence.
Violence begets violence, for Jay-Z not to respond to the mess does not mean that he's old or not the greatest of all time, or whatever else has been said, it simply means that the man is wise, paid his dues and knows how to let things be, you don't get to meetings in the oval office by not using your mind.

So with that said, should Jay respond to this I would pray that he only makes it clear that this can stay at words and nothing more.

At the end of the day this is about the music, I'm a fan of the art and unfortunately this is one of the reasons it's become a lost one.

Kids today have no idea what substance is unless they're abusing it, no idea that a real music note does not come from a mechanical machine, or that pitch is not just something that involves a batter; All because schools can't afford the Music programs and children are forced to learn from what they now hear on the radio or see on television or YouTube. I have a question for the ones who want to brag about the money they have... Where are you now? Maybe if we focused our time on the important issues that will help your industry grow we wouldn't have to worry about the propaganda and could enjoy the purpose of the art.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Moving Tides and Falling Slides

I want to first apologize for promising a post and then not showing up,
Lately my life has just been non-stop and when it is idle for a moment its just that... I can't put words on paper, I can't form clearly logical sentences, stories run into each other, it just becomes one big mess. The amount of drafts on this thing might as well be balled up pieces of paper because no matter how long I stare at the thing nothing comes out of it.

In just about a month one of my very dear friends is getting married and by the honor vested in me she and her lovely fiance have asked that I be the one to Marry them... I imagine because of my way with words, and because she trusts me oh so much... Ohh Z I hope there's a curve you base this on, ha I kid I kid...

The amount of effort that goes into this is definitely beyond what I expected because you see, I'm sure nobody ever thinks they would forget how a wedding begins and ends right? I mean we see it every day, its like etched into our brains.... Well let me tell you... This one (this one right here, yea me) did. How do you forget "Dearly Beloved we are gathered here today" or maybe more importantly, I now pronounce you...
Well, I don't know how to explain it but I did and thankfully there is an instruction manual just in case geniuses like me forget, and now all is right with the world.

Would you believe I for some reason thought I had to do this by memory, like reading lines! OH HOLINESS did I freak myself out there for a while, see I don't know how well you may know me but public ANYTHING is not my strong suit... I hate being in front of people speaking or performing anything publicly ... strangers, fine... but friends or people I know... ohh it's worse than a hug to me and for those of you who know me.. well I need not explain that.

Thankfully, I have had this overwhelming calmness and excitement come over me all at the same time. Enough time has passed so that I was able to clear my mind and set all of the other things aside to focus on what's important and that is being the one to allow two of the most loving people in the world to share their love with each other for the rest of their lives.

So preparing a 45 minute ceremony is no easy task, especially when all of the ceremonies now are 15-20 minutes long... But when you have two people like these 2 its almost impossible to keep it under 45 minutes.

I will be posting more about this after the day has come to share my journey on this path and I must say so far it's looking to be a fun and fulfilling one.
Love has always been a driving force in my life, it's nice to have the chance to finally take it for a walk.

I promise I will be back with all of the juicy filled dramatic posts and my trials I faced in the past weeks, trust me I will have enough for weeks on end... But until then, I will be composing a ceremony that only true love can sing...

Until we Meet again...

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Line Only She Can See

I wanted to take everyone down a road that only we women know... I must warn you ... There is a reason only we travel it, because so far it seems as if we are the only ones who can handle it.

You've heard the term... a 6th sense, women's intuition... and then there is a lifetime of knowledge that we have studied not only about ourselves but others.

First let me say that I am not a lesbian for 2 reasons, one is my own beliefs but the other is WOMEN HAVE WAY TOO MUCH DRAMA! I can't imagine trying to compete back and forth every day, now I know not all relationships would be that way, but MY LUCK that's how I would end up. I am an Alpha Female, that should explain enough. Why does this matter?? Well let me explain...

I've given a lot of insight on how the female mind works within a relationship, and how to grow and what might help in different aspects, but I haven't given the nitty gritty and I think this is just as if not the most important information.

As a woman we know a woman's game, and though we or like I myself don't play a game we know that one is there to be played. Just as any real sports fan knows, or any military man knows, you always know just as much about the enemy as your own team.

What I think a lot of men do not understand is that when you speak we do actually listen, and some of us listen to the point that an event has been created that maybe YOU didn't intend to create.

When men and women interact there is always going to be a certain attraction, even if you don't necessarily think there's one, the attraction of physical, emotional, mental features or maybe just simply the attraction of the game... which is natural, it is how God created us. Where things go wrong is when the man has not scouted his opponent, because more than likely within a 20 second window we have already analyzed your stance, mannerisms, and intention, and on that 21st second we've made a decision of how we want to move in.

There are some women who have no other motive than to love the person they are with, to cherish what they have and their intention when meeting someone is genuine, there aren't many of us out there anymore some would think, but there are.

AND THEN... There are the females who take that moment you give them and pounce. No second thought as to what the man really is other than what is portrayed, or what she's assumed his intent is. She see's only her selfish ways without any regard for your every day life.

Think about the girl who was so quick to give you the phone number, the girl who was so quick to meet up... Did she ever ask if you had someone special in your life? Did she ever have interest to know anything about you other than what you were doing later or anything other than some flirtatious baseless conversation? My guess is No...
Now think about the one who you feels bugs you with questions about your day, the one who won't stop asking how you're feeling or what's wrong when she knows you've had a bad day... My guess is you aren't seeing the same person.

There are women and then there are females... When a woman tells you, that something isn't right about a female in your life there is a reason for it. It is NOT because we are jealous, it's because we know our opponents. When we tell you that we know their thought process do not dismiss it as insecurities or jealousy, because 9 times out of 10 we will be able to give you a play by play before it even happens.

In stead of being upset or frustrated with something that you think is just another ridiculous outburst, listen to her and actually take in what she's saying, if she's wrong... then she's wrong but its at least worth listening to if she matters to you. Respect her in the fact that she's concerned and is willing to talk to you about the concerns. Dismissing her and how she feels will only make it worse, be open to her and don't mistake her knowledge for fear.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Lost and Found

I Bowed my head today with thoughts of sadness and an emptiness. The travels that life takes us through had left me feeling lost. I have often wondered why I had been trapped n some of the awful places I have been or why am I doing something that normally I wouldn't do, and then...

I reminisce back on the times I had, I think about the awful moments and I walk down the dark roads that I had traveled and I start to realize that I wasn't traveling them alone. Looking down the dark road I see a bit clearer the further I get. Through every Hard night, dark morning, through every tear there they were, right there with me.

The Night in the park when I felt my innocence being ripped away from me, they were there giving it back to me.

The Nights I cried over broken hearts, they were there to show me a broken heart mends...

The times that seemed as if it couldn't get any worse, yet again there they were, to remind me that its only as bad as I let it be.

How could I not see that, or understand it? Why did I always feel alone if I never really was?

So many times I thought about myself and lost myself in the consumption of my own grief. To forget that the nights I cried my best friend was there to hold my hand and help heal my heart, how could I forget that through it all I was never alone?

As I sat with my head still bowed, I thought about moments I had forgot about; Missed opportunities; Words that had not been said; Visions I wouldn't see, and how to go back to change what I felt should have been. The times I wanted to call but too nervous; The apologies I should have given but too ashamed; The "I Love You's" I should have said but my pride got the best of me....

What do you do when you feel so lost? What do you do when you feel as if it was all in your control and you've let it all pass you by? How do you turn everything around to do the undone?

I lifted my head and let it set in, I thought about the lessons I learned, what I have taken with me through life and though the times were rough I always had a firm landing.
How did you know what I needed to hear? Though I may not have taken it in at that moment it stuck with me and though it was said way back when, the words have stayed relevant even today. How could something said in one moment hold true for another moment? It was so mind boggling to understand how that in one moment in time something said or a hand held a brush of the hair could still be heard and felt in a moment we never knew would exist and then....

I asked myself, How did I not see that you were there with me the entire time? With every person who traveled with me along my way you placed there, I was never alone. Every word spoken was yours, every hand that held mine was yours, every hug, brush of the hair was you. Every late night talk in my time of need was with you, in every friend who lent their shoulder you were there. You always knew what I needed and when I needed it, soothing my soul and healing my heart.

Tonight as I lay my head down I will not think about the things lost but about the life you give me each day and how through you I can do anything because I know that you are always beside me. I can move forward knowing that I am not alone but your love is always with me. Your words will be a thriving force in my life and I will no longer just travel the road that has now been lit, but I will respect the journey that only you trusted I could handle.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

A tale lived long ago , A dream that was still unknown to me at the time. The Best dreams are the ones that come true without you expecting them.

Music has not only been a passion of mine but the beat is what powers my heart and it syncs with the Melody. Destiny's Child came out with "No No No Pt 1" and I heard simplicity and just this amazing sound, and then followed Pt. 2 which defined the sound that only Destiny's Child can do, and has yet to be duplicated. When "Writings on the Wall" was released, I refused to let anyone touch let alone borrow it.

September came and I remember it like it was yesterday, it was a warm night at the Madera Fair and the only reason I chose to attend that night was because Destiny's Child was playing that night. The ORIGINAL 4 members drove into town and people swarmed the stage area, nobody more excited than I of course. As I walked up I saw an old friend who was there doing operations for the sound and asked if I wanted to meet them........ We all know my answer...
As I walked up to the girls, yes girls because they were only 16-17 at the time, A very young Beautiful Beyonce went to shake my hand and I remember Kelly coming close to me from the right and that was the last thing I remember. As Beyonce went to move forward to me to introduce herself I passed out... I know, I know... TERRIBLE RIGHT! And most people probably think that they went on about their way and some medics came and that was that, the show goes on... Well no, that would be incorrect, because for a medic to come the rescue at the fair you have to practically be bleeding to death so no that was not the case.

I heard voices and a specific voice saying Oh my goodness is she ok, is she alright??! I felt my arms shaking and a couple little slaps to my cheek and as I awoke she was there, and not because I fell literally on top of her feet. As I came to she helped me up and all I did was apologize, I kept looking at my pager (yes pager this was a long time ago) to see what time it was because I just knew I delayed the show; It was about 7:10pm so only 10 minutes late for a 7pm show time. I couldn't believe she was even still there, and not just her but all of the girls. She spoke to me as if I was one of them, talking about show times, wardrobe, mics, how do I sound, I was able to listen to a voice check and before they went on she invited me to pray with them before taking the stage.

People wonder why I am so into her, or obsessed some have said, I get it, its hard for someone to understand, although I do have a fascination with celebrities, I have a reason for every one of them but Beyonce there's a personal admiration for. People can have their opinions and they can hate all they want, the woman has paid her dues and has created not only the most amazing career for herself but the talent she has is beyond what most can even comprehend and there is not a person in this world who will ever be able to deny what she's created and accomplished.
That alone I do not even have to argue because she will ALWAYS speak for herself.

I have been asked if I think she's changed or if she's this or she's that... The way she talked to me 12 years ago and the way she speaks today is exactly the same, her smile is the same and the look in her eyes hasn't changed. I can see a barer of bad fruit within moments of meeting them, not as a judgement but there are just things that a person exudes in character and mannerisms, and so far in life I have not been wrong. At a young age I learned how to read people I can spot a liar a mile away and that woman's spirit is absolutely Beautiful.

When the critics came out with the release of "4" nearing, so many opinions were formed stating that the label was worried and that it was going to be a flop because it wasn't her normal sound... I guess #1 in MULTIPLE COUNTRIES within the first week is a flop... I didn't realize we were speaking in antonyms now.
This album is a new sound, a mixture of old school sounds from the 80's with songs like "Schoolin' Life" "Lay Up Under Me" (on Target's exclusive deluxe edition) songs with a 40's style with songs like "Rather Die Young" and 90's with "Party" "Love On Top" and Bold Ballads that really give you that "live" raw sound that she exudes live and really shows she is not just a Gorgeous face/body, or a dancer this woman proves her voice is her talent and her first love.
She really let down her guard on this album even allowing us to see the love she has for her husband and how she appreciates her marriage, the closest thing to her giving us a tell all interview into their relationship. This has been my favorite album of hers by far.
I have been waiting for something different from someone, and had been listening to a lot lately, it's like she heard my every thought, which is what I hear often from people who listen to her music.

I am excited for what she has to come and will be behind her 100% of the time, too many artists have come and gone, the woman was brought up right and has kept her morals with her on her journey and managed to keep herself classy and in a spot light like there is now I will not be surprised when she is the sole SURVIVOR.


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Two Timing

There are ALWAYS 2 sides to everything, what's most important is to remember that there are always 2 of you in a partnership.

What do you do now that the two of you have come together and it's time to start piecing the puzzle back together??

Many of us wrap ourselves up in the past, though we want to move forward a small part of us holds the past so that it's stuck in the future. One of us blames the other and forgets that, simply because you're so consumed by the others actions. The term "I can forgive but will never forget" .... honestly needs to be deleted from the mind. Forgiveness and Love holds no records of wrongs. It's understandable that one would feel that way, but if you do not trust in the person enough to forget and move on, then maybe you aren't ready for the road you say you want to travel.

There is never only one at fault, It may have started because you think the other did something, but did you ever stop to think that maybe it's because you did something, or that it was because of another reason to which you never cared to ask and NOW you are the one who is being inconsiderate? Always put yourself on the reverse before reacting, tempers have no place in a fight, be it emotional or otherwise. Save the tempers for your own venting sessions, all they will do is make the situations worse and escalate it to a point that you may not be able to come back from.

Words have more power than we may intend, Actions may not ALWAYS speak louder than words, it just depends on how hard the impact is on the other side. Learn to leave the baggage at the door, set all of the issues at the door and decide on whether you're going to walk through it or away from it, Its in or out.

Timing is everything, if you happened to make an outburst, learn to own up to the mistake, suck it up and take it for the team. I cannot reiterate enough that one of you is not above the other, and neither of you have to do anything but love the other. Do not expect someone to do something for you if you aren't willing to truly appreciate it.

This is your life your love... not a game... do not play the payback game, you're not children, things are not always as you see them. Before you let your mind run away remember to check it first, because more than likely its you who has created the problem and not the other way around.

Move on and learn to grow, you're on this path together, feed off of each other and become each other's teacher, there is no better way to grow together than to mend one another and become strong within each other.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Division Of Mind's Game

In recent weeks I've been consumed by insomnia; I pray this was the last sleepless night I would have...

As my body falls into a deep sleep, my mind starts to burn the midnight oil with visions that are inconceivable to me in the lucid state.

I run through the field of dreams into a dark land of sub-conscious thoughts; Nothing of the ordinary as I would believe is truth.  In one month's time I've experienced my worst nightmares come to life. Inhaling what seems like air but can't take a breath, gasping for life but yet I'm not physically dying.

What seems like Night falls again yet dawn has never come....

Trying to solidify my state of mind I walk further into darkness but not by choice; It's becoming difficult to move forward, I'm being pulled and pushed as I try to find my way.

As I start to push back the resistance stars to release, I can see the dark exit though its not visible. I run as fast as my thoughts will allow, trying to persuade the REM to change the vision I'm shackled to.

The dawn is upon me, as the light begins to break sound does as well ...
Reality is so close.

My heart is light and breath released. I feel love and full of life... I feel relieved, content ....
Mind moving slow and Sharp and vision is clear.
In my left brain I feel at home now and can finally disappear.

~ D

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Trivial Pursuit of A Chivalrous Heart

I recently spent some time reflecting on different things, life in general and how people treat each other... I don't really know how to describe this but disappointment might be the right word...

I'm not sure if this is because I was raised by my grandmother and maybe I have a core that is based around ideas from the 1920's to 1950's where people were treated differently, but the separation between courtesy and disregard is just beyond my thought capacity.
Having an old soul in a new age world can definitely be difficult but it can also be refreshing...

I have always ... ALWAYS, thought that Love should always come first and with that Love comes trust respect and admiration, what happened to that? What happened to the Men who not only opened doors for women but opened their hearts and lives to them as well??

I always hear well she emasculates me, or they want to be independent they can take care of themselves, or she didn't do what I needed.

First thing is first.... As a Strong VERY Independent woman, there is nothing I want more in my life than a man who can handle that and who can appreciate my strength. I've grown with a strong mentality because at a young age it was just me, and though I may have had my Grandmother, I was always afraid one day it would just be me... So I taught myself to be self sufficient which some may dub as controlling, I call it survival. I am not a feminist, I don't prefer life without men, A man saved me, I would be nowhere without him; I realize that sometimes it may be hard to see that, but its even more difficult for me to clarify it in the moment.

When it comes to Nurture vs. Nature, I will always side with Nurture because you see, coming from what I did, if it was about Nature then my life would be totally different, I would be prone to drug abuse, bad decisions and poor judgment, except for the fact that My Grandmother raised me to be nothing but the opposite, to not just know my right from wrongs but to live by them. As I lived my life around what I was taught I learned that taking care of yourself was not a bad thing, being a strong willed person was not only ok but SMART.

I know that at times a strong willed woman mixed with an Alpha Male can sometimes clash and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you know the medium to meet at.

Try to learn her story, actions are not always as they appear and neither are facades.

Ladies... Yes we are in a new era and we may see our selves superior in certain situations but know the situation you're in and think before acting... A man will still awlays want to feel like he's the provider and being submissive to you is not exactly something that brightens their day. With that said... Men, Do not ever feel like she can't help you, or that if she does it makes you any less than what you feel you should be. A partnership is between TWO people which means that if one is down the other steps in to pull it together.

Everyone thinks that relationships are so hard when really it's jut how individuals decide to approach a situation that does not involve individuals but a team. You each provide something in the relationship, whether it being a friend to one another, it be financially or just simply an emotional stability, you're each others' partner for life, you're meant to learn and draw from each other so paint the picture.

~ D

Friday, June 24, 2011

Beautifully Bold

Today I want to take this time to point something out...

It's something that said everyday in the sense that "this is how you should be" when it comes to being politically correct, but in reality; People need to stop being so wrapped up in what others think of them ... However as I know as most of us do, sometimes that's a lot easier said than done...

A friend of mine who is absolutely in love with makeup, so much that she decided to become a freelance artist for so many reasons, but mainly the beauty in the art of it. I myself am just a fan of painting my face! Well she introduced me to this absolutely amazing woman and the fact that I myself wasn't aware of who she was really made me feel like I had been completely lost in the world of makeup...

When you meet a person with such a sweet and pure heart, they produce a lot of the same people around them, a lot like barers of good fruit; My friend (Zarah) had contacted me one night and asked a favor from me, which of course I had no problem with, and at this moment I was introduced to The Beautiful Kandee Johnson.

Kandee had basically been attacked by accusations against her and her skills and qualifications... Once I heard what was going on, I was infuriated because as a HUMAN BEING and a caring person to hear what she had been told and what she was going through I was truly outraged. I gave her some advice and to this day am so honored that simple little me could be there for not only such a good person but this amazing talent ...

When you become successful, with that comes a lot of things that when you're striving for such success, we don't really get as far as to prepare for the extra or the bad and the ugly so to speak.
This woman is such an amazing talent and for those of you in the makeup world you already know not only who she is but how amazing her talent is.

With this year's IMATS (International Makeup Artist's Trade Show) approaching in Los Angeles, which I am really upset I am not attending...Kandee will be speaking on Sunday so for all of you whom are there CONGRATULATIONS because a woman who Billy B admires will be giving you all some knowledge as you leave IMATS. In case you are not aware of whom Billy B is, well I'm sure if you've watched or seen any spreads of Lady GaGa you might have an inkling as he is the makeup artist who has created her most fierce looks. I know I know, if you know me I am not a fan of hers for my own personal reasons but that doesn't mean I can't admire his absolute amazing work. Anyway, back to my point...

On the eve of IMATS I was wallowing in my self pity because I'm missing such an amazing opportunity, I decided to watch Kandee's youtube tutorials

(which can bee seen here)

I came across this video...

As you can see it's lengthy but it was definitely worth the watch for sure...

As I was watching I started thinking to myself... Not only does she have so much courage but then I thought... It makes me sick that she feels that she needs to make one like this...

People can be so heartless, and cruel... I myself have created a very rough exterior because of a life I've lead and what I've gone through, not to mention some of the people I allowed to be in my life because I used to be so trusting. There was a period in my life where I was well "known" by certain groups and while I thought I had many friends, quickly as things that I had been a part of my whole life had become more popular, so did the people who thought there wasn't enough room for anyone but them, which led to a lot of drama and negativity.

I chose to take the higher road because it was going to be the only way to keep myself sane, and with my temper passion and pride that was NOT easy to do. I started to "go on record" about things said about me and make it known that the people who were against me had nothing better to do than create a life for them self based off of me... What a life right??? I can't even imagine.

I finally realized it didn't matter what I said because those who were already consumed by their own thoughts were lost in them and it was a lost cause. In stead I continued to do what I do, pick myself up and continue to succeed at being me. I learned quickly that by feeding the animals they continue to come back so I decided to let them starve.

Though I would like World Peace, that just isn't a world that we live in, but what we can do is worry about ourselves because at the end of the day we are the only ones we can control.

I would hope that everyone will do them selves a huge favor and get to know Kandee as she is beyond a makeup artist but a gorgeous soul. If you will be at IMATS please stop and listen to her story and techniques you will not be disappointed, I use her tricks every day and try to keep her happy spirit with me through out my day as well.


You can find Kandee at...

Her Personal Blog



Friday, June 10, 2011

Chemical Polarity

Let's talk about something that many people don't.

The last couple days I've had some really tough moments, moments that came out of nowhere, like... they just happen to appear in the middle of a conversation, and end up taking over that conversation. Sounds frustrating right?

As a young girl when we moved from Sacramento to Madera, CA, I always had this home sick feeling... so much that it stuck with me all through my teenage years and young adult hood...
I must have really loved my home right?? Well yes I did ... but, apparently it was beyond that.

A few years back,After I had moved back to Sacramento, I went to the doctor to find out why my migraines and chest pains had been progressing, and she kept trying to give me pills, she wasn't interested in finding out where it was coming from, and me, I thought ... great another doctor who just wants to shove pills down my throat. She then started asking what I thought was bringing them on, did I have a lot of stress in my life... as I answered yes, and she started prescribing Zoloft and Prozac, I thought to myself... No no no no... I'll handle my stress by dealing with it... I am not a fan of medication by any means.

I could not understand why this EDUCATED person with a PHD MD credentials could not see that I was clearly there for a head ache and chest pain... And then...

Six months had passed and I started feeling "home sick " again... Those who know me will tell you that there is nothing (besides my grandmother and some friends) that I miss about Madera.. I thought back to what the doctor had told me and why she prescribed them, because at the time I was obviously not trying to hear her... Once I took in that moment the rest of my life changed.

For those whom are not educated on this subject I will label it as Bipolar disorder but Actually categorized as Manic Depression Disorder.

I finally realized that this was something that I had been facing for 11 years of my life when I was standing in front of the refrigerator ( I had just bought a ton of groceries) and could not find anything to eat or make for dinner, then right after that I heard people talking which started to sound like yelling, I became so overwhelmed that I stood in front of the refrigerator and started crying... Could not tell you why or how it happened other than a major rush of frustration that I just couldn't handle or explain.

There is no way to explain that feeling ... other than the home sick feeling I had felt for so many years at random moments... were manic episodes, extreme anxiety.
The only explanation I have for the cause is, the fact that either my "mother" was still consuming narcotics while pregnant or my environment she brought around me...maybe a combination of both...

Most people cannot understand why I do not take medication and this is why... The history I have had, though not by my own consumption has effected my life and I choose to take the alternative route... For those who have been told it can't be done ... well I'm not going to say they lied, but what I am saying is that all I needed to do was realize the problem, once I realized the problem I figured out how to control it and not let it consume me.

Disclaimer moment- Obviously I am not an M.D. So this is just me simply letting you know what has worked for me, because I chose not to use medication.

No I do not smoke marijuana, and so you know... often times Marijuana can't even stop or slow the episode.

When I know the feeling is coming, I will try to drink a cup of warm decaffeinated chamomile tea, take a nice warm bath with dim lighting, listen to some light music, or nature sounds... Anything to bring my blood pressure down, because if my blood pressure is down so is the urge to give into the frustrations. I don't really recommend reading, because for most of us who have this tend to be "dreamers" or creative imaginists and reading into a story can actually make that urge stronger because our mind is now wrapped up in a new conundrum.

Often times if the anxiety is just beyond this, I will force myself to sleep. I will eat some fish or take some fish oil and something with peppermint to keep the migraine from becoming too much to deal with ... and then just sleep it off. For ME, if I can catch the episode before it begins I have often been able to avoid it.

For those who have loved ones with this, there are no words that we will ever say that will truly apologize for what we put you through. I can only hope that you can understand after reading this that, it is not something we control... We do not have any excuse for ways we treat you in an episode, but I would hope that you can understand that it is never our intention to bring you with us through it, but you have no idea how we appreciate seeing you when we come out of it.

A good thing to do is to have a code word for those involved, so that everyone is aware that an episode may be coming on. Most people who do take the medication can still have an episode here and there, its rare because the medication does work exceptionally... but nothing is perfect. In the event that should happen, having the code word can often times prevent any hurt feelings.

When feeling the episode its best to say the code word and then talk about what you want that person to do, like.. Hold me, leave me alone, let me sleep, I want to just be quiet... etc. As the friend or caretaker or family member, checking in is good but do not be a pest either... quietly checking in every 20 - 30 minutes is good timing. We will always come back to reality and let you know we're sorry ...

This is not something that many have to deal with, but this is a condition that effects everyone not just the person who it inhabits.

Don't be afraid of this, Don't be ashamed of it... Once it's been accepted it can be conquered.

- D -

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Tunnel Vision

I'm going to try to write this without it sounding cheesie or like a cliche.
So many women struggle with the the decision of "Should I go after the best there is?" or "I'm afraid I won't find him and I'm getting older, should I just settle?" Going back and forth between these decisions drives us insane and doesn't allow you to listen to YOURSELF.

You have to find that medium... what is in the middle?

I have gone through my life with the same check list that everyone has, but I also learned that settling isn't always the worst thing ... but, with that said it isn't always the best either.

I've gone through so many emotions through my journey of the Love tunnel, that a Novel could not begin to shed light on what I've learned, but with this I will say I have learned the most important lesson and that is, Happiness...

I decided to do better, I decided to not stay quiet and hide behind what we feel is safe.
I for once decided to let myself feel what was in my heart and allow my heart to see what it had been blinded by. I decided to start over....

My check list has dwindled as I've grown older, which is because from each experience I checked off the boxes and made a new list, and now that list will end at this...

He looks at me with love in his eyes
He doesnt talk to me like it's an obligation
He;s respectful enough to treat me as an equal
It 's never a competition, unless its all in fun
When the tough gets going, he doesn't run with it
He's not selfish, but considerate ...
He's not afraid of what I can give
Most Importantly He's in it to win it.

Fortunately I had to learn these things in order to put me where my heart belongs.
Do I have all of these things now? No... I don't so does that mean I bail, or that I settle? No, it means that the ones in your life who are planning to stay in it, start listening up and get with the program.

Remember that happy medium I was talking about? Well here it is...
There will be days where nothing is right, and there will be days where nothing is wrong... but life is just that... life, its not perfect, but imperfections make us who we are. Learning to accept another person is difficult when different ideas clash but you can't let that effect and interfere with the vision you have of each other, because besides the little ridiculous things you bicker about, the person you fell in love with is still in there.

If you're like me, which I hope you're not... I tend to get very anxious, major anxiety at times, so regular situations are magnified ... so I will take my own time to literally clear my head and breathe and remind myself of that person, I don't just mean my partner, I mean myself... Because it is not ALWAYS their fault... I ask myself," Am I doing the same that I ask of him?" And when the answer is no, I remember why I fell in love to begin with.

People don't often take the time to ACTUALLY think about the situation, they get on the defensive and then from that point on its just down hill.

Start by remembering what made you fall in love first, then think about how you could have handled the situation...and fix it.

Don't let the situations/fights/hard times become your relationship...

Don't be afraid to KNOW what you want, and don't be afraid to fight for it.

Obviously this is from a Female perspective but ...Men...
Please take this in as well...

Be her biggest fan, respect her and always be her friend, Because when a man lets her down, there's nobody she needs more than her best friend.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Revelation of a True Reality

As of late we've obviously had many different religious movements with the threat of a May 21st Judgment day... Let's put all of that behind us and set the record straight...

First thing is first... I'm going to lead you to the book... The Bible is the way, to have a full understanding of what I am about to tell you, you must read the bible, books Mark, Luke, and John to fully understand and of course Revelations, these are the books that speak of what I am about to explain...
I understand the Bible is written in a way that is difficult to understand for some people, believe it or not, I am dyslexic and my attention span is not the greatest so I completely understand, which is why I'm here to try and help break it down for you..

Let's start with the biggest misconception that people have, and that is The Rapture is the same thing as Judgment Day.
I'm going to start by explaining The Rapture first;

Recently I posted a statement that said, "
Hes sending his warnings, are you listening? More importantly ....are you ready?"
What does that mean? It means that In the last days God will shake the earth to warn the people of earth of the return of his son, the Messiah, The Lord Jesus Christ.
In the books of Mark, Luke and John, and Revelations they speak about devastation that will come upon the earth and other signs to warn you that the last days are upon us.

Many things have been said about "this time" in which many THINK they have the right to speak on without knowing the true meaning, please do not be confused.

For those of us who have let Jesus into our hearts and truly within your heart accepted him as your savior will be called to heaven in this moment to ride along side Jesus to Heaven.
I say moment because this will come like a thief in the night... nobody not even Jesus will know of the day or hour of his return, only our Heavenly Father will know, and it will happen in the blink of an eye.

The signs leading up to this day are already upon us, Massive Earthquakes, Devastating weather, political dealings, prophecies unfolding that were prophecized centuries ago... No really... I'm serious... It's in this book I keep talking about, and the books (chapters) within it.

If you think these tragedies have been terrible... what is yet to come are going to be horrific. You see those of us who have accepted Jesus will go to heaven in the rapture and escape what will happen next. This is where the book (chapter) of Revelations comes in.

A lot of people have a problem believing the bible because it was written by men ... and they constantly ask how are they to know its real? To that I say....

One... You are a fool to question him, Ever heard of the saying, I walk not by sight but by faith?
The Bible will depict every Major Natural Disaster, turmoil and tragedy that will happen not only after the rapture but the events that are occurring now... The problem is some aren't going to realize this until it is too late... meaning until you are "Left behind" as many of us call it; Left behind to endure the tragedies that will come upon earth, devastation, famine, most importantly the Anti-Christ, who I believe is already in place ... I could go on about who it is but that will take forever and a day to explain... lets not get completely off topic here...
What this leads me to is, this is the time that will lead up to Armageddon... and Judgment Day...

You see, during this time, just because you didnt make the Rapture does not mean you have already been judged and will not go to Heaven... This just means you haven't been saved...
I want to give everyone a bit of advice, my own "How to survive the Apocalypse" if you will...

What you must know are 2 things...

1. Get to Know Jesus and accept him in your life, ask him to forgive you of all of your sins and MEAN it... (this will also work now)


Let me explain that...

During this time some major changes will be made... a universal currency for example, The Bible states that the mark of the Beast (666) will be implanted in hands and foreheads of everyone and this implant will hold the mark of the beast, without this you will not be able to buy or sell any goods. How do you get around taking the mark of the beast? Unfortunately this is something that will put you out in the open as one of Jesus' followers... Which means more than likely they will take you into their custody and torture you... Sounds terrible I know... but you have to remember, if you deny him before others he will deny you to his father...
But do not be afraid, He will be with you every moment, you will not suffer and he will not forsake you and the reward will be an eternity in paradise.

This will lead up to the fight of all fights... The battle between Good and Evil, for the souls of Earth, the Earth will erupt and open up so that the living and the dead will be judged and those who chose not to accept Jesus as their savior and did not seek forgiveness will be cast into the lake of fire with Satan.

Sounds like a crazy Novel right??? Its actually from the #1 best selling book of all time... Unfortunately After this all will come to pass so many will realize that this was not some fictional Stephen King Novel, but The Book of Life, the Map to Heaven... The Truth, The Holy Bible, what God sent his Apostles to write so that we, the sinners that Jesus died and rose for to follow so that we may be with him again in paradise...

I know everyone is thinking... That's the end? That's the end of the world??

No, that's not the way it ends... Matter of Fact... It doesnt end... not at all, God will recreate the Earth for all of us who were chosen, for all of us who chose to accept Jesus, to come back to live on Earth as He originally intended when he created it where we will live forever, and I know you're thinking... well it ends for those in Hell... no, its also a beginning for them... the beginning of an eternity of burning fire...

I know I've given a lot of information tonight, and I want to be clear, I am not one of these nuts or crazy fanatics that predicting the end of the world is near .... I'm just a girl with a relationship with Jesus who wants to make sure that people know the difference, and understand the tools are there for them to comprehend what has been there for them to find for centuries...

I left some details out, some of the things to look for... but I did that specifically so that you can find your own way... It's up to you to establish your relationship and understanding of whats been left for you to find, nobody else can do it for you... You'll never truly understand or be open to it if its forced...

Although the Bible is a bit difficult to understand at times, if you open your heart and mind to it, all you have to do is listen... He'll explain it to you...

~ D

Monday, May 9, 2011

The End vs The Beginning....

As 2012 approaches the more and more People talk about it the more "Prophecies" that are present. I want to take you down the road on the other side of the guesses and hypotheticals ...

The now infamous 12/21/2012 headlines movies and millions made off of a theory, a theory that has yet to be TRULY tested...

Another that is said to be 5/21/2011 "Judgment Day", this said by some religious group...

These theories have everyone preparing for the new Y2K...

Let me give you some insight into what everyone is missing...

For those of us who have Jesus in our lives all know that these dates are nothing more than just dates that God willing we will all label as just another day... Because you see, Only he knows of the day and hour... and the other thing that everyone has seemed to leave out is exactly what we should be looking for...

My guess is, that the details are left out and manipulated so that our own free will can be compromised and manipulated.

When Satan chose to go against God, God Cast him down to earth and they came to an agreement, a fight for the souls of Earth. Every Soul would be granted Free Will so that they may make their own decisions and those who choose to follow God's word will have a seat next to him for all of Eternity and those who do not will stand before God and answer for their choices.

Judgment day is when all people of the heaven and Earth will stand before God ... What they have left out is that before this, God will send his son for those who have not forsaken him, this is what we call the Rapture.

For those of us who have stood by his love and his word and accepted his son will Ride into Heaven beside Jesus, and those who are left will have to endure hell on earth for 7 years...

The talk of Asteroids, Ice caps melting to cover the earth and everything in between that everyone is trying to predict, well If you are one with Jesus... then luckily you wont be here to feel it.

The destruction of Earth is Not an ending it is a beginning for God's children, those who chose his way, for all of us to come back to Earth and live the way he originally intended...

The Rapture is near, He is sounding the horns, and putting forth the signs... He is on his way back to bring us home, A day that nobody will be able to predict, in the blink of an eye we will be home, spared from the devastation that so many believe they are suppose to prepare for, all the while they should have been preparing their souls and heart rather than some catastrophe that is unstoppable.

I pray that you understand the difference between the "End" and the Beginning...

Friday, April 8, 2011


I'm going to be brutally honest right now...
I am so sick and tired of everyone pointing fingers and blaming everyone for this governmental shut down. Its Obama bla bla bla...
NO! Its OUR fault. point blank period thank you and have a nice day!

This administration and any that follow will have to fix what we as a country decided... Greedy bastards chose to cut taxes and steal from the poor to give to the rich... STFU with the blame game and complaining! My grandmother a woman who took care of wounded soldiers in WWII will not get paid bc the REPUBLICANS want to end social security NOW. FOR REAL!?

I understand that I may not have social security to live off of when I'm 65, but now? People who have depended on this? You want to just up and end it, without so much as a warning to them?


Why aren't we screening people who decide to file for benefits of any kind?

How is it that as tax payers we pay into social security, unemployment, medi-cal/ medic-ade but yet we can't use it?? But let an addict walk in and show no income and use a fake address and CONGRATULATIONS HERE'S A FREE CHECK ON BEHALF OF EVERYONE WHO IS NOT ALLOWED TO USE THEIR OWN MONEY?? Because that makes so much sense.

I am all for helping people in need... but when you CHOOSE to do drugs, become an alcoholic, to mooch off of other people YOU ARE NOT IN NEED OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN GROWING UP AND ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SELF.

You shouldn't be allowed disability if you have arthritis due to the fact that you did Meth for most of your life and it has deteriorated your joints.. or because you were high and injured yourself.

What happened to people only being able to use Welfare for 2 years and then having to find a job?? Instead if you go into apply if you're a woman they ask if you're pregnant and then when you say no their response is, "come back when you are"

You people in congress need to get your priorities straight... if you have to cut costs cut those who are clearly abusing the system. It would take less money for you to screen people than it does for you not to. All of the time and money used to screen individuals would cost less than it does for you geniuses to sit there and shut down an entire government.

Fortunately for someone like me, I've prepared, and all it took was me saving myself...
This is just another chapter leading up to Armageddon... The world will be under one currency another sign to prepare us...

People need to understand we all make choices free will be it politically or religiously, we all have choices and all of our choices have a reaction... This is where we are now...

Be mad at whomever you want right now, but somewhere earlier in your life a choice you made helped contribute to this situation... If you want to keep pointing fingers make sure not to forget that he is who without sin/fault to cast the first stone.