Monday, July 25, 2011
You've heard the term... a 6th sense, women's intuition... and then there is a lifetime of knowledge that we have studied not only about ourselves but others.
First let me say that I am not a lesbian for 2 reasons, one is my own beliefs but the other is WOMEN HAVE WAY TOO MUCH DRAMA! I can't imagine trying to compete back and forth every day, now I know not all relationships would be that way, but MY LUCK that's how I would end up. I am an Alpha Female, that should explain enough. Why does this matter?? Well let me explain...
I've given a lot of insight on how the female mind works within a relationship, and how to grow and what might help in different aspects, but I haven't given the nitty gritty and I think this is just as if not the most important information.
As a woman we know a woman's game, and though we or like I myself don't play a game we know that one is there to be played. Just as any real sports fan knows, or any military man knows, you always know just as much about the enemy as your own team.
What I think a lot of men do not understand is that when you speak we do actually listen, and some of us listen to the point that an event has been created that maybe YOU didn't intend to create.
When men and women interact there is always going to be a certain attraction, even if you don't necessarily think there's one, the attraction of physical, emotional, mental features or maybe just simply the attraction of the game... which is natural, it is how God created us. Where things go wrong is when the man has not scouted his opponent, because more than likely within a 20 second window we have already analyzed your stance, mannerisms, and intention, and on that 21st second we've made a decision of how we want to move in.
There are some women who have no other motive than to love the person they are with, to cherish what they have and their intention when meeting someone is genuine, there aren't many of us out there anymore some would think, but there are.
AND THEN... There are the females who take that moment you give them and pounce. No second thought as to what the man really is other than what is portrayed, or what she's assumed his intent is. She see's only her selfish ways without any regard for your every day life.
Think about the girl who was so quick to give you the phone number, the girl who was so quick to meet up... Did she ever ask if you had someone special in your life? Did she ever have interest to know anything about you other than what you were doing later or anything other than some flirtatious baseless conversation? My guess is No...
Now think about the one who you feels bugs you with questions about your day, the one who won't stop asking how you're feeling or what's wrong when she knows you've had a bad day... My guess is you aren't seeing the same person.
There are women and then there are females... When a woman tells you, that something isn't right about a female in your life there is a reason for it. It is NOT because we are jealous, it's because we know our opponents. When we tell you that we know their thought process do not dismiss it as insecurities or jealousy, because 9 times out of 10 we will be able to give you a play by play before it even happens.
In stead of being upset or frustrated with something that you think is just another ridiculous outburst, listen to her and actually take in what she's saying, if she's wrong... then she's wrong but its at least worth listening to if she matters to you. Respect her in the fact that she's concerned and is willing to talk to you about the concerns. Dismissing her and how she feels will only make it worse, be open to her and don't mistake her knowledge for fear.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I reminisce back on the times I had, I think about the awful moments and I walk down the dark roads that I had traveled and I start to realize that I wasn't traveling them alone. Looking down the dark road I see a bit clearer the further I get. Through every Hard night, dark morning, through every tear there they were, right there with me.
The Night in the park when I felt my innocence being ripped away from me, they were there giving it back to me.
The Nights I cried over broken hearts, they were there to show me a broken heart mends...
The times that seemed as if it couldn't get any worse, yet again there they were, to remind me that its only as bad as I let it be.
How could I not see that, or understand it? Why did I always feel alone if I never really was?
So many times I thought about myself and lost myself in the consumption of my own grief. To forget that the nights I cried my best friend was there to hold my hand and help heal my heart, how could I forget that through it all I was never alone?
As I sat with my head still bowed, I thought about moments I had forgot about; Missed opportunities; Words that had not been said; Visions I wouldn't see, and how to go back to change what I felt should have been. The times I wanted to call but too nervous; The apologies I should have given but too ashamed; The "I Love You's" I should have said but my pride got the best of me....
What do you do when you feel so lost? What do you do when you feel as if it was all in your control and you've let it all pass you by? How do you turn everything around to do the undone?
I lifted my head and let it set in, I thought about the lessons I learned, what I have taken with me through life and though the times were rough I always had a firm landing.
How did you know what I needed to hear? Though I may not have taken it in at that moment it stuck with me and though it was said way back when, the words have stayed relevant even today. How could something said in one moment hold true for another moment? It was so mind boggling to understand how that in one moment in time something said or a hand held a brush of the hair could still be heard and felt in a moment we never knew would exist and then....
I asked myself, How did I not see that you were there with me the entire time? With every person who traveled with me along my way you placed there, I was never alone. Every word spoken was yours, every hand that held mine was yours, every hug, brush of the hair was you. Every late night talk in my time of need was with you, in every friend who lent their shoulder you were there. You always knew what I needed and when I needed it, soothing my soul and healing my heart.
Tonight as I lay my head down I will not think about the things lost but about the life you give me each day and how through you I can do anything because I know that you are always beside me. I can move forward knowing that I am not alone but your love is always with me. Your words will be a thriving force in my life and I will no longer just travel the road that has now been lit, but I will respect the journey that only you trusted I could handle.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Music has not only been a passion of mine but the beat is what powers my heart and it syncs with the Melody. Destiny's Child came out with "No No No Pt 1" and I heard simplicity and just this amazing sound, and then followed Pt. 2 which defined the sound that only Destiny's Child can do, and has yet to be duplicated. When "Writings on the Wall" was released, I refused to let anyone touch let alone borrow it.
September came and I remember it like it was yesterday, it was a warm night at the Madera Fair and the only reason I chose to attend that night was because Destiny's Child was playing that night. The ORIGINAL 4 members drove into town and people swarmed the stage area, nobody more excited than I of course. As I walked up I saw an old friend who was there doing operations for the sound and asked if I wanted to meet them........ We all know my answer...
As I walked up to the girls, yes girls because they were only 16-17 at the time, A very young Beautiful Beyonce went to shake my hand and I remember Kelly coming close to me from the right and that was the last thing I remember. As Beyonce went to move forward to me to introduce herself I passed out... I know, I know... TERRIBLE RIGHT! And most people probably think that they went on about their way and some medics came and that was that, the show goes on... Well no, that would be incorrect, because for a medic to come the rescue at the fair you have to practically be bleeding to death so no that was not the case.
I heard voices and a specific voice saying Oh my goodness is she ok, is she alright??! I felt my arms shaking and a couple little slaps to my cheek and as I awoke she was there, and not because I fell literally on top of her feet. As I came to she helped me up and all I did was apologize, I kept looking at my pager (yes pager this was a long time ago) to see what time it was because I just knew I delayed the show; It was about 7:10pm so only 10 minutes late for a 7pm show time. I couldn't believe she was even still there, and not just her but all of the girls. She spoke to me as if I was one of them, talking about show times, wardrobe, mics, how do I sound, I was able to listen to a voice check and before they went on she invited me to pray with them before taking the stage.
People wonder why I am so into her, or obsessed some have said, I get it, its hard for someone to understand, although I do have a fascination with celebrities, I have a reason for every one of them but Beyonce there's a personal admiration for. People can have their opinions and they can hate all they want, the woman has paid her dues and has created not only the most amazing career for herself but the talent she has is beyond what most can even comprehend and there is not a person in this world who will ever be able to deny what she's created and accomplished.
That alone I do not even have to argue because she will ALWAYS speak for herself.
I have been asked if I think she's changed or if she's this or she's that... The way she talked to me 12 years ago and the way she speaks today is exactly the same, her smile is the same and the look in her eyes hasn't changed. I can see a barer of bad fruit within moments of meeting them, not as a judgement but there are just things that a person exudes in character and mannerisms, and so far in life I have not been wrong. At a young age I learned how to read people I can spot a liar a mile away and that woman's spirit is absolutely Beautiful.
When the critics came out with the release of "4" nearing, so many opinions were formed stating that the label was worried and that it was going to be a flop because it wasn't her normal sound... I guess #1 in MULTIPLE COUNTRIES within the first week is a flop... I didn't realize we were speaking in antonyms now.
This album is a new sound, a mixture of old school sounds from the 80's with songs like "Schoolin' Life" "Lay Up Under Me" (on Target's exclusive deluxe edition) songs with a 40's style with songs like "Rather Die Young" and 90's with "Party" "Love On Top" and Bold Ballads that really give you that "live" raw sound that she exudes live and really shows she is not just a Gorgeous face/body, or a dancer this woman proves her voice is her talent and her first love.
She really let down her guard on this album even allowing us to see the love she has for her husband and how she appreciates her marriage, the closest thing to her giving us a tell all interview into their relationship. This has been my favorite album of hers by far.
I have been waiting for something different from someone, and had been listening to a lot lately, it's like she heard my every thought, which is what I hear often from people who listen to her music.
I am excited for what she has to come and will be behind her 100% of the time, too many artists have come and gone, the woman was brought up right and has kept her morals with her on her journey and managed to keep herself classy and in a spot light like there is now I will not be surprised when she is the sole SURVIVOR.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
What do you do now that the two of you have come together and it's time to start piecing the puzzle back together??
Many of us wrap ourselves up in the past, though we want to move forward a small part of us holds the past so that it's stuck in the future. One of us blames the other and forgets that, simply because you're so consumed by the others actions. The term "I can forgive but will never forget" .... honestly needs to be deleted from the mind. Forgiveness and Love holds no records of wrongs. It's understandable that one would feel that way, but if you do not trust in the person enough to forget and move on, then maybe you aren't ready for the road you say you want to travel.
There is never only one at fault, It may have started because you think the other did something, but did you ever stop to think that maybe it's because you did something, or that it was because of another reason to which you never cared to ask and NOW you are the one who is being inconsiderate? Always put yourself on the reverse before reacting, tempers have no place in a fight, be it emotional or otherwise. Save the tempers for your own venting sessions, all they will do is make the situations worse and escalate it to a point that you may not be able to come back from.
Words have more power than we may intend, Actions may not ALWAYS speak louder than words, it just depends on how hard the impact is on the other side. Learn to leave the baggage at the door, set all of the issues at the door and decide on whether you're going to walk through it or away from it, Its in or out.
Timing is everything, if you happened to make an outburst, learn to own up to the mistake, suck it up and take it for the team. I cannot reiterate enough that one of you is not above the other, and neither of you have to do anything but love the other. Do not expect someone to do something for you if you aren't willing to truly appreciate it.
This is your life your love... not a game... do not play the payback game, you're not children, things are not always as you see them. Before you let your mind run away remember to check it first, because more than likely its you who has created the problem and not the other way around.
Move on and learn to grow, you're on this path together, feed off of each other and become each other's teacher, there is no better way to grow together than to mend one another and become strong within each other.
Monday, July 4, 2011
In recent weeks I've been consumed by insomnia; I pray this was the last sleepless night I would have...
As my body falls into a deep sleep, my mind starts to burn the midnight oil with visions that are inconceivable to me in the lucid state.
I run through the field of dreams into a dark land of sub-conscious thoughts; Nothing of the ordinary as I would believe is truth. In one month's time I've experienced my worst nightmares come to life. Inhaling what seems like air but can't take a breath, gasping for life but yet I'm not physically dying.
What seems like Night falls again yet dawn has never come....
Trying to solidify my state of mind I walk further into darkness but not by choice; It's becoming difficult to move forward, I'm being pulled and pushed as I try to find my way.
As I start to push back the resistance stars to release, I can see the dark exit though its not visible. I run as fast as my thoughts will allow, trying to persuade the REM to change the vision I'm shackled to.
The dawn is upon me, as the light begins to break sound does as well ...
Reality is so close.
My heart is light and breath released. I feel love and full of life... I feel relieved, content ....
Mind moving slow and Sharp and vision is clear.
In my left brain I feel at home now and can finally disappear.