Sunday, June 28, 2015

In The Midst of A Prayer

As I bow my head I begin to ponder...
The way of the world, the issues I face on a daily basis and the turmoil I am in.
My mind begins to thrash around, from one thought to another, and on to another.

I close my eyes, and quietly speak to myself while trying to get my thoughts in order before I say the words I want the Lord to hear.
So overwhelmed by the worry that can overcome my heart, I begin to feel anxious and I can feel my lungs collapsing as my heart begins to pound. Everything becomes cloudy and I can feel the reality of everything beginning to fall a part. At any moment this beautiful and wonderful world that My Creator created could come crashing down on me.

I search the deepest part of me and find nothing. I clutch my fists tighter and tighter in an attempt to hold on to whatever I can even though I feel like it's all slipping away.

With my eyes closed and my head bowed I begin to tell God that I'm sorry for whenever I may have not praised him in the moments I should, when my life is in turmoil. I just find it so difficult to find a reason to, not because he hasn't given me reason to but because I'm so overwhelmed by what Satan has thrown at me, or the fact that I just failed. To praise him at my lowest point just seems counter productive to me, but I do. Eyes closed, head bowed hands clutched together, I do.

Forgive me... I've failed you, and because of that I have failed myself. I know that in my darkest moments is the best time to praise you and I failed. I'm lost Lord. I have not lost sight of you, I know only you can bring me out of what I'm in, but I became consumed by my worries and for that Lord, forgive me. I know you will never leave me and I am calling on you Lord to save me from this mess I'm in.

And just like that, I fall to my knees and I bow to him as I can feel his hands around me and healing my wounded heart, my worries have left and in that moment my heart begins to beat at a normal pace, my lungs begin to fill with air, my hands loosen their grip. He speaks to me in the most beautiful voice I've ever heard.

"Your heart speaks for you. I know your cares, your worries, desires, your heart speaks the words you can't seem to form. You don't need to worry,  I will not forsake you, I will never leave you. Never lose your trust in me, know that I am here."

And in the midst of the prayer I felt the spirit of the Lord come over me, and in that I saw his face. It was nothing of what I've imagined. It was the epitome of Love, and in that moment I knew that the Kingdom of the Lord was behind me, and because of that I am not only blessed but victory is coming.

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