I've lived a life that is full. Full of many things, things that I don't think anyone as a child says... I'll just survive and see what happens from there. You become a certain way based on your circumstances. They mold you, whether you think they will or not.
I've been told I am intimidating, that I am strong, that I am a *****, that I am assertive and all of these things that would essentially make a female look empowering. But the truth is, living underneath that exterior is a young girl who wishes that never had to be her stigma. Don't get me wrong, I am proud that I've overcome many things that were unfortunate in my life, I am happy that it's molded me into a person who can overcome things and can hold my own. But the truth of the matter is, this person you all know, is not the person I am now.
While yes, these attributes haven't left me, they have transformed. I'm sarcastic and like to joke with the best of them but the truth is, I felt like I could still be the same person and not change who I am in order to help reach others and not alienate people. Simply put, I was wrong... well not entirely, but mostly. You see, I have made choices in my life, and with those choices that young girl who always wanted to have that life she always dreamed of is finally getting to live that.
I want to clear some things up and HOPE that everyone understands this so I won't have to explain it again. I made the choice not to have children YEARS ago, 23 years ago to be exact, and I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, so if God wanted me to have children of my own then he would find a way to make it happen. I also made the choice not to be married, basically meaning if I never find someone to spend the rest of my life with, I am OKAY with that. I know its difficult for some to understand but the fact of the matter is, I have found the best love ever known to man, a love that nobody can ever duplicate. One that has made me comfortable in my own skin, one that I never have to question, one that I can trust in with my entire being. A love that has give me true and complete peace. And yes, due to my devout faith this means as long as I'm not married I am celibate. Many think of this is a punishment for lack of a better word. The truth is, I've been down that road and frankly it isn't something worth giving away to anyone who isn't in his own relationship with Christ, and if he is then he can wait. I didn't make this decision based on past relationships, or because I've been so hurt or anything of that sort. I'm not giving things up because I'm afraid of being hurt again or whatever other reason some may think. It is as simple as I am happy in the relationship I am in with Christ and if that is how I remain forever, I am okay with that. The bible says that not everyone is meant to have a family, that some have a purpose far more than family.
I've always felt life was taking me somewhere other's weren't traveling, so to think that I am one of those who's purpose doesn't involve a family wouldn't be all that surprising ... I'll accept whatever God's plan is for me even if it isn't what my idea is.
My ideals are not the same as they once were. As much as I want to be able to relate to this world I know that that it is more important that others relate to Christ, and that means if I am meant to lead others to him then that means I have to give up my old way of thinking. This isn't something difficult to do, actually its more difficult not doing it. Living in this world as a follower of Christ isn't easy. I know what people think of me, I know that because the rest of the world is turning away from him that I seem like the crazy one, I am the one people will shun. But you know what, that's okay. It's not like I didn't know this when I gave my heart to him, I know his words better than I know the words to my favorite songs. The truth is, If I'm going to be persecuted for him I might as well show my entire transformation.
Truth be told, I don't like the same music I used to, and I do like to listen to Christian music more than anything, and every day he is changing something else about me. I don't find the same things funny, while my heart is softened my it's armor is strong. I am outspoken but it is for Christ now. If you say something that I don't like its not to offend you, its not even personal. I am not judging you, but the action. If you know me at all you know deep down, the reason I say anything to anyone is in the hopes that it helps them in whatever way I can. I will talk about Jesus and I will call him by name every day and most of the day. You have to understand, he lives in me, its difficult not to talk about someone or something that is constant in your life. It is no different than a parent speaking about their children. If I had pictures of what Jesus really looked like or of us out on any day I'd share them constantly. So If I say to you, Please don't use his name in Vain, its not just because, yes, it is offensive to me, but because it is offensive to Him. The little things you do every day that you think really don't matter when it comes to your relationship with him, are the biggest. Would you curse your parent's name who has watched over you your entire life? They aren't just words, they're piercing daggers in his heart. When you don't read your bible, you are directly ignoring him. I hear people say "He doesn't talk to me." all the time, yet they never pick up their Bible.
It was time I stopped ignoring these things, and fearing other's would ignore me and the message God has for me to deliver.
The truth is, the same message I have to give is the same one that has been told for generations. I choose to give it in the purest form I absolutely can.You are free to do what you want with it, but if I don't at least share it, then I am not doing right by God, myself and more so.... YOU. His spirit lives in me and I'm going to preach it to the masses. God is as real as you and I and his son Jesus Christ LIVES! Love me or hate me, this is exactly what you will get from me.
God Bless - Don't Forget To Pray