IIIiii IIi'm I'm Ready for ya!
Sorry If you haven't noticed by now I love my Drizzy!
This post is for all the girls out there young , younger and youngest ;)
Ok wait let me turn down Drake ... He's distracting me...
Ok let's start again...
I'm writing this tonight so that I can elaborate a little bit on who I am, and so that you get a little bit of an insight to the person that is ME! You will see (if you haven't already) and understand truly why this is called "Random Reads."
We don't really need to talk about my background so much because to say the least it isn't a pretty picture, but I was blessed with the Best Grandmother ever who molded me and she says I broke the Mold... Which is good because there really shouldn't be any more of either of us out there... Trust me, a Pisces mixed with a Leo... Enough said.
Anyway, I wanted to take you down the road of this Information Highway known as "D."
I'd like to sit and point out my flaws... Not the physical ones because those are obvious, No I'm talking about the ones we keep a secret. Yes the ones we hold inside, well no more... time to let that weight go, maybe with that weight the real weight can follow!
I love with my heart wide open, I've never been a selfish person, or harmed anyone other than maybe myself.
Now by that I mean, I've lived with a mentality of everyone comes before me and then when I chose to finally start thinking about myself, I wasn't prepared.
Taking care of someone else or thinking about someone else is quite different than doing so for yourself. We always have the other persons interest into consideration and end up not even recognizing our own. What's even worse is trying to share the love... Trying to balance something to that magnitude can take a toll on a person...
ACTUALLY LET ME JUST STOP .....
I've been writing this same post for 2 days and I keep having writers block and I think it's because... I really don't know who I am anymore, I know what I used to be; Stressed, impatient, angry with the worst temper, lost in who I wanted to be and the things I wanted for myself, living off of my misery just trying to make it better without actually taking the initiative to really figure out what would make it better.
Until one day I finally decided to look deeper, how was I effecting others? Was I effecting others? Yea! Yea I was, which was impacting my own life. I couldn't change because it was a vicious circle.
Before I go any further I want everyone to know that I am not your typical Christian, I'm not offended by too many things unless you attack my religion specifically, I don't really care about your actions because they aren't mine, I mean, I care because they're effecting you but... at the end of the day what you do is between you and God, I have my own life to live and my own sins to be forgiven of, I don't have time to sit and Judge you... besides it being a sin in itself to do so, I'm just too tired to waste time on that. I'm not the typical "holy roller" that most people figure Christians to be... I'm an open person I understand that life is life and we all live it differently. If you ask me about something pertaining to My beliefs then I will talk as long as you want, but otherwise, it's just another day to me, so what I'm about to say is not me pushing my belief, this is just an event in my life I'm sharing.
When I gave my worries over to God something changed in me, I saw life different without all of the everyday worries! I mean I still worry about somethings here and there, but not the way I used to... which also changed my relationships with people, it's like the real me that I always knew was hiding behind the anger stepped out and I'm magnified times 10 and I do have to say I am super awesome, and anyone who wouldn't love me now... Well clearly they do not know what they are missing out on. I live life with a whole new outlook; At one time I wanted to be a wife, be this acclaimed author, travel the world and see all of the things the world had to offer and I realized that this life is just temporary, and though I may not see it all through my eyes, it will be better when I can have it all and more and see it through God's eyes as I sit beside him. This life is just our town car on the way to main event, and I don't care how long it takes me to get there, but I will not let the ride stop me from getting there.
I've chose to love someone and take that to wherever it may go, happiness, pain and everything in between because it was a gift, and I have never been one to turn a gift down. The roads in life aren't easy, the situations we go through on a daily repetitive basis can be enough to hold us back but why let it when the road ahead makes so much more sense?
I may not know fully who I am yet but this journey is more fulfilling than the one I was on.
If what you're doing isn't in some ways going to improve you then stop doing it.
There really aren't any "What If's" in life. My life ran on the "What if" theory, I refused to have what if's in my life... I just couldn't do it, I did not want to regret anything and I soon realized...
It isnt a "What if," it's do I take the path that was already given or do I go off and make my own not knowing where it's going to lead? I'm all for adventure and being spontaneous but... I think I know that the path paved for me was paved with good intentions...
Don't let questions consume your thoughts, your days, your intentions, instead forget the cautionary tale and stop asking questions... the answers are merely formalities to what our imagination has already given.
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